Food enthusiasts have demanded an enquiry after research showed that as many as 1 in 10 supermarket ready meals contain trace amounts of vegetables.

A Burnley resident told us, “I was shocked when I opened the packet and there was these red and green things staring back at me. I had to ask my wife what it was. They didn’t know either so we took it to the local library to try to identify it. It turns out it was tomato and something called rocket. It’s amazing that they’ve made rockets so small. I remember when they used to be as big as a house.”

Bolton resident Steve “Stevie” Stevenson was furious, “I like meat. I always avoid meals that say vegan or suitable for vegetarians and I expect meat if I don’t see those words on the packet. I feel sick that I might have eaten something that wasn’t a dead animal.”

A spokesperson for leading supermarkets said, “We have always advised our customers to check the label. Every now and again we like to shove a suprise in our ready meals. Like when we killed all those horses and made out it was Salmon. Just because a product may not be aimed at the vegan/vegetarian market it still might contain vegetables.”

Whilst many people feel the supermarkets should be held to account, Steve “Stevie” Stevenson told us he blames Jaimie Oliver. “I blame Oliver. If I wanted to improved my health I’d quit cocaine.”

One leading health expert did contact us to say that under no circumstances is cocaine considered one of your five a day despite it being derived from plants.

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