Wetherspoons new Thursday night Gammon Time menu has been declared a stunning success by Wetherspoons gammon in chief Hamhock O’Porcine.
Hamhock said, “We’ve decided to market to the pre Question Time audience. They can come in, drink 12 pints of Lancaster Bomber or Ella if they’re into lager. We dress a pig up as Jeremy Corby or David Dimbleby and then kill it and serve it up. Nice bit of Gammon then we show Question Time on the big telly.”
One customer told us, “This is the best night ever. The gammon was brilliant. The last time anyone had anything that pleasurable was a woman who’d just had sex with me.”
Another said, “I was a bit disappointed at first because I’d come down in my England shirt and expected to get told to take it off. But they didn’t so I took it off anyway and threw it at Dimbleby. That’s the true spirit of gammon.”
Other customers interviewed told us, “We in and English pub. We eat gammon and drink beer here. If you don’t like it you can go home.”
A regular told us, “I’m 74 and this has brought back memories of how this country used to be during the war and it was good. When I fought in the Battle of Britain we’d go to the local Wetherspoons after battle. Douglas Bader would get the pints of Lancaster Bomber in despite us not knowing what one was. Then we’d eat a load of gammon. After that we’d all shag Vera Lynne and go off to bed.”
The patrons were also treated to a ceremonial burning of the German and French flags that have been put up to celebrate the world cup. Everyone stood around trying to remember the second verse to God Save The Queen.