Walkers crisps have been told that they’re putting cheese and onion crisps in the wrong coloured bag despite everyone knowing that they don’t go in the blue one.

Crisp aficionado Stan Still said, “Why do they put them in the blue bag? Blue is a clear sky on a summer’s day. It’s a stroll along a river to a nice pub beer garden. Then, you open the bag and it’s a big hairy bloke sitting at the table opposite you. He’s taking off his shoe and all you can smell is Stinking Bishop while his dog sits on the floor licking its own backside. It shouldn’t be allowed. Where’s the European Court of Human Rights when you need them?”

Crisp connoisseur Bill Board said, “The other day I really fancied a bag of crisps. I’d not stopped since 5 am. I sat down, opened my lunchbox and did a little dance. Soon the entire panoply of cheesy oniony flavors would be dancing over my tongue. Instead I opened the bag and realised that it was Walkers so I’d picked up salt and vinegar. The consternation I felt as I ate that potato representation of my broken dreams cannot be exaggerated.”

An official for Walkers said, “At Walkers we’re trying to challenge the perception of people who think that cheese and onion should only be in the green bag. This isn’t 1985 anymore. People need to realise that it’s ok if they’re in the blue bag. We live in a society that is more accepting of different coloured crisp packets.”

Bill Board responded, “Stuff that, I’m off for a pork pie.”

Walkers denied that the reason they’re incapable of putting crisps in the correct colour bag is that they’re owned by a company that doesn’t eat crisps. They also took the opportunity to announce the launch of a new super bag of crisps that will feature as many as 7 crisps in it.


Fact checked by Snopes; Plagiarised by Andrew Neil; Nancy Sinatra's favourite Rochdale satirist; sued by Chris Froome and winner of the 1922 Nobel Prize for Chemistry.* *Not all of these necessarily true.