Nobody Sufficiently Into Ed Sheeran To Be Fussed About Being First In The Arena

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Ed Sheeran - like him or dislike him, it seems that nobody has particularly strong feelings about him either way, it would appear. At a recent gig in London, ticket holders were photographed en masse...
Musician

Man into ‘real music’ unveils plans to spend night sneering at Eurovision

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A 'real music' fan from Rochdale has revealed plans to spend tonight sneering loudly at the Eurovision song contest. Martin Williams 42, told the Herald "Even though I've got a TV subscription with over 200 channels, Netflix...

Ralphs to go back to original pronunciation 

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Ralphs across the globe have collectively decided that they no longer like being called 'Raif'. Ralph Johnson of Middleton said; "Because Ralph Fiennes started calling himself Raif we all thought it was cool so we did...

Samuel L. Jackson agrees to play Trump in upcoming biopic

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It has been announced that veteran Hollywood actor Samuel L. Jackson will play Donald Trump in a biopic scheduled to be released in late 2019. The movie, provisionally titled "Oh shit, we're fucked", will...
Russell Brand

Russell Brand in hot water again for ‘pranking’ Andrews Sachs’ granddaughter

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Long haired Labour killer and plastic revolutionary, Russell Brand, has come under fire once again this morning after 'pranking' the granddaughter of the late Andrew Sachs. Sachs, best known for his role as hapless Spanish...

BBC apologise for penis in background of May the Queen Bee

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The BBC and producers of Prime Minister's Question Time show, May the Queen Bee, have today apologised for an offensive penis that appeared in the background of a recent episode. The episode was scrubbed...

Morgan/Farage interview to become a movie”The Vaginas Dialogue”

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The fascinating story behind Piers Morgan's earth-moving TV interview with seven times unelected former UKIP leader Nigel Farage is to become a major motion picture sources, entitled "The Vaginas Dialogue", Morgan has confirmed. Hollywood production...

“Messiah” Corbyn Denies Anti-Semitism as Links to ‘People’s Front of Judea’ Emerge

Jeremy Corbyn was today forced to again deny claims of Anti-Semitism after it emerged that he had "strong links" to the Palestinian terrorist organisation "The People's Front of Judea".  Great Leader Corbyn, who is still...
Game of Thrones

Cabinet to watch Game of Thrones to pick up tips on killing each other

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Theresa May has reportedly ordered her cabinet, and junior ministers, to watch Game of Thrones in order to get better at killing one another. This is apparently in the hope that the infighting in the...

Burnley residents “Delighted” by the introduction of BBC2 in the area

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BBC2 finally came to Burnley yesterday. The TV channel, which first aired to the british public in 1967, finally made its first transmition to the North England town yesterday. We asked the BBC to...
Star Wars Millennium Falcon

Millennium Falcon and on and on and on

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As fans eagerly anticipate the latest film in the Star Wars saga, Rogue One, plans have been revealed for yet more films to be made.

Channel 4 GBBO winner to bake Noel Fielding into space cake and consume him

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Television pundits were going mad this afternoon with the leaked news that the finale of Great British Bake Off on Channel 4 features the winner of the competition baking Noel Fielding into a space...

BBC confirm David Icke to host next series of Saturday Kitchen

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There was good news for truth seekers, Illuminati exposers and the generally paranoid today, as the BBC confirmed the Son of God David Icke is set to become the new host of Saturday Kitchen....

I’m not homophobic, you’re just a filthy sinner! says singer

It's alright to be a judgey bigoted fuck if it's based on Bronze Age superstition, singer Kim Burrell is insisting.

The Verve say lack of racism due to drugs not working

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Indie stalwarts, The Verve have revealed that the in inspiration for their hit song, The Drugs Don't Work, was their inability to be racist. The band made the comments following this week's admission by Roseanne...

Diane Abbott To Play Nigel Farage In Brexit The Movie

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In a surprising turn, it has just been announced that a movie of Brexit is to be made and the part of Nigel Farage is to be played by Diane Abbott MP. Director Roger De Bris...

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