Teenager on Love Island talks b******s for 60 minutes
Television viewers were left cringing tonight by one of the contestants on hit TV show Love Island.
Valerie Still said, "It was awful. They each had to pick somebody in the villa and write a...
Diane Abbott To Play Nigel Farage In Brexit The Movie
In a surprising turn, it has just been announced that a movie of Brexit is to be made and the part of Nigel Farage is to be played by Diane Abbott MP.
Director Roger De Bris...
Boris Johnson evades detection to win 2020 season of Hunted
Using an impressive combination of stealth, sneakiness and bare-faced cheek, Prime Minister Boris Johnson has trounced both his opponents and his pursuers to claim victory in the 2020 season of Channel 4's hit reality...
Band at every live gig is having loads more fun than audience
According to experts who have been to gigs every band in the world is definitely having more fun than the audience.
"Standing ankle deep in urine next to strangers who smell of rolling tobacco and...
Elderly white bloke invoking blitz spirit wins Brexit’s Got Talent
In an emotional final show, 102 year old Tommy Atkins held off challengers by singing Vera Lynn songs in a quavering voice in front of a backdrop featuring Lancasters, Spitfires, red phone boxes, sausages...
I’m not homophobic, you’re just a filthy sinner! says singer
It's alright to be a judgey bigoted fuck if it's based on Bronze Age superstition, singer Kim Burrell is insisting.
Cockroaches latest to quit I’m a celebrity, after refusing to touch Katie Hopkins.
Following on from yesterday's shock departure of the venomous snakes, an intrusion of cockroaches have also terminated their contract to appear on this years upcoming ‘I'm a celebrity, get me out of here’
Traditionally the...
Farage takes on Eurovision
In a shock move today, the rubber faced, racist, people's champion Nigel Farage has announced his intentions to represent Great Britain in next year's Eurovision Song Contest .
Herr Farage, who has been a long...
Man who once burnt a Pot Noodle looking forward to another night of shouting...
A man whose cooking skills don't extend beyond pressing the 'start' button on his microwave is looking forward to another night of shouting at 'Masterchef: The Professionals'.
Gary Taylor, 36, intends to spend most of...
Mike Pence attends Broadway musical by mistake
Vice-President elect Mike Pence was roundly booed after he attended a performance of Broadway musical ‘Hamilton’ entirely by accident.
Berlin enjoys best U2 gig in years as Bono loses his voice
It's being dubbed as the greatest U2 concert ever by people who bought tickets but can't work out why.
U2 played Berlin last night and had the audience in raptures as the show was ended...
Vic Reeves Corrie Storyline Leaked
After news broke this week that one half of comic duo Reeves and Mortimer had landed a role in Coronation Street, technerds immediately got to work hacking Granada for the scripts and have now...
?Miranda Hart falls over for the last time
During a performance in Derbyshire last night Miranda Hart fell over and no one laughed.
"It just wasn't funny" said super fan Ewan King who attended the show. "Usually when she falls over I'm in...
Corbyn popularity ratings soar after ZZ Top grant him keys to magic Hot Rod
In what would at first glance appear to be a complete and utter ripoff of an Onion article dating back to 1997, Labour Party Supremo Jeremy Corbyn has seen his popularity rating soaring to...
Gerry Anderson to Return as String Puppet
Die-hard Thunderbirds fans are celebrating the surprise announcement that Gerry Anderson is to headline the upcoming Cromer 60s Festival.
North Norfolk District Council broke the news on Twitter that the creator of the cult 60s...
Radiohead Gig Attracts Record Number Of Twats
Research has shown that the Old Trafford gig on July 4th by Radiohead attracted more wankers than any previous gig.
It is estimated that, of the 31,000 crowd, 68.7% were utter tosspots. The total...
