Goldie

Who the fuck is Goldie, asks Banksy

2
The deliberately modest and ultra secretive celebrity, Goldie, yesterday potentially revealed  the identity of serial graffiti artist and liberal metropolitan elite caricature, Banksy, in some interview for some crap. The elusive one time Eastenders...
James blunt

James Blunt demands Knighthood after Ed Sheeran receives MBE

5
The news of Ed Sheeran’s accolade in the latest honours list has been greeted by mixed reactions. His fans have welcomed the news, but their grandparents have asked, “Who’s he then and what does he do?” See...

Ant in rehab after Dec shoots him in the eye with paintball gun

7
The North East was rocked today as Ant revealed he has been shot in the eye by long time friend and co-presenter Dec.

Arsehole dies in Karmic Avalanche

An arsehole died on Saturday in an avalanche of karma whilst trying to piss off and murder a massive angry bull in front of a large crowd of idiots.  The rebalancing of the universe took...
Thatcher in the Rye

Theresa May autobiography ‘Thatcher In The Rye’ for September release

5
Controversy was the buzz word in the publishing world today with news that Theresa May has handed in the manuscript for her autobiography "Thatcher In The Rye", scheduled for release in September. Details of the...
Music Fesitval

This week already pissed off with itself and planning a holiday

0
Millions of Microsoft outlook users are about to receive an unexpected update in their calendars. The Rochdale Herald has just received an email from an anonymous address which  but it appears to have been sent...
Ed Sheeran

Ed Sheeran receives MBE for services to blandness

28
Ed Sheeran was clearly chuffed to receive his MBE for services to blandness, remarking, "I really don't know what to say, but it's a great honour." Sheeran has had a string of hits, although even his...

Tragedy strikes as Dogs Die in Hot Cars die in hot car

0
The late 1990's Scottish Indy Rock community is in mourning today after hearing the news that the ironically named band Dogs Die in Hot Cars have tragically died in hot car during a shopping...

Tim Farron quits politics to record Judy Garland cover album

6
Tim Farron has sensationally quit the leadership of the Liberal Democrats this week to pursue a lifelong ambition to become a full time Judy Garland impersonator.

Nick Clegg announced to appear on I’m a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here

0
After being metaphorically bludgeoned to death by his electorate, former MP and Liberal Democrats leader Nick Clegg has left politics with his reputation in tatters. After delivering his farewell speech Clegg was approached by an...

Home Office announce 40,000 new Police jobs to counter threat of future Justin Bieber...

0
Enough is enough. Amber Rudd rounded on those who “tolerate” Justin Bieber as she told them: “Enough is enough”. The Home Secretary chided all who provide “safe spaces” for Bieber - in “real life”...
Piers Morgan

Piers Morgan caught rummaging through bins looking for the smirk that’s been wiped off...

0
Voice mail enthusiast and professional shit stirrer, Piers Morgan, has been spotted scouring the bins behind a Lidl in Hammersmith. The toe faced smarm slinger was said to look 'visibly shaken', as he frantically searched...

Elton John’s Buckfast addled night of passion with Jimmy Krankie’s Mum

0
Elton John, no stranger to controversy, has claimed that he had a one night stand with the mother of TV comedian-child Jimmy Krankie while on a mad Bucky bender many years ago. "I was out...

Corbyn criticised over links to NWA

2
Controversial Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn has been heavily criticised for his links to rap group NWA. A picture of Jeremy "terrorists are my mates" Corbyn sipping gin and juice with rapper Easy E has been largely shared across social media.

Tim Farron to star in 2017 remake of Sophie’s Choice

Universal Pictures have announced this week that they will be remaking the 1982 Academy Award winning classic Sophie's Choice with Tim Farron in the lead role made famous by Meryl Streep.

Katie Hopkins replaced by audio book of Mein Kampf narrated by Paul Nuttall

0
Until LBC can find a suitable successor to Katie Hopkins her slot will be filled by a looped recording of Mein Kampf, narrated by Paul Nuttall. LBC's controversial move was decided upon as an attempt...

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