National News

The NHS received a much needed boost today, after Number 10 kindly pledged to plough a sizeable portion of uncollected change from all Government office vending machines into public services in a stunning new...

It's one of the most famous stories, if not the most famous, in the English language. It's been made into countless films, plays and TV adaptions. But for Theresa May it has a fatal...

Friends of David Cameron have sprung to his defence today after accusations that his Exit Honours list is an example of cronyism. "Clearly this is nonsense, and just sour grapes, " said Sir Digby McNugget,...

It's "snow" joke. Santa has sensationally sacked his seasonal sidekick, Rudolph. The reason was that the much-loved face of animal disability was displaying typically low levels of productivity. "It's all for the best," said...

A Rochdale woman has been telling the Herald how she has had the same can opener for 51 years this year. Bernadette Gottelieb told us, "I bought it in 1967. I'd saved up 4000 green...

Roy Clark, a 56 year old kitchen fitter from Castleton was amazed to discover that his application for Agent of Her Majesty's Secret Service had been accepted. "I couldn't believe it" said Mr. Clarke. "My...

Scientists have confirmed that parents of school age children across the United Kingdom feel zero sympathy for teachers as summer holidays crash to an end. Apparently in late July sympathy for teachers was much higher,...

The Conservative Party and the conservative government have denied that the electoral boundary change proposals are an attempt to ensure a Conservative advantage. "It's just blatant paranoia," said Lord Jerry Mandarin MBE, OBE, "It just...

Mark Carney, Governor of the Bank of England, the place where they invent money, has admitted that remain campaigners accused of scaremongering may actually be truthmongering. The surprising intervention comes as new economic data strongly...

Research done by students at Rochdale's Kingsway Park school suggests that parents are bigger liars than politicians. 6th Former Tom Wilkes who was head of the team conducting the research explained the reason for the study. "We...

The polls that are currently condemning Jeremy Corbyn to fail once predicted success for the socially inept, humanoid shaped play doh figure, Ed Millibland.  It's not the first time the polls have been wrong and...

Unconfirmed reports are coming in from Rochdale that a three year old child sat still in contemplative silence for five whole minutes last Tuesday afternoon. Gemima Atkinson, 3 and a bit, was at home...

Theresa May has announced that the worst thing in the world, after Trump's hair and Boris Johnson's gob, is modern slavery. Millions will be invested in ending it. The PM, who demanded that police...

Lard-loving fast food fanatics McDonald's made the announcement immediately following the news that London's sewers have been blocked by vast deposits of insoluble grease. The limited edition Monster FatburgerR will initially retail in affected parts...

UKIP party leader, former archbishop of Canterbury, Duke of Edinburgh in Waiting and Huddersfield Town striker, Paul Nuttall has been named as the captain of the UK's waterboarding team for the 2020...

Leading language experts are calling for a change in the classification of the word 'trump'. Traditionally, it has been used as: a term for flatulence a term in the cards game of Bridge a term...