National News

The Conservative Party and the conservative government have denied that the electoral boundary change proposals are an attempt to ensure a Conservative advantage. "It's just blatant paranoia," said Lord Jerry Mandarin MBE, OBE, "It just...

Scientists have confirmed that parents of school age children across the United Kingdom feel zero sympathy for teachers as summer holidays crash to an end. Apparently in late July sympathy for teachers was much higher,...

Since 1919, on the second Sunday of November, otherwise known as Remembrance Sunday, a two minute silence has been observed at 11am at war memorials, cenotaphs, religious services and shopping centres throughout the country. Not...

Friends of David Cameron have sprung to his defence today after accusations that his Exit Honours list is an example of cronyism. "Clearly this is nonsense, and just sour grapes, " said Sir Digby McNugget,...

A Rochdale woman has been telling the Herald how she has had the same can opener for 51 years this year. Bernadette Gottelieb told us, "I bought it in 1967. I'd saved up 4000 green...

Unconfirmed reports are coming in from Rochdale that a three year old child sat still in contemplative silence for five whole minutes last Tuesday afternoon. Gemima Atkinson, 3 and a bit, was at home...

Theresa May has announced that the worst thing in the world, after Trump's hair and Boris Johnson's gob, is modern slavery. Millions will be invested in ending it. The PM, who demanded that police...

Parents up and down the country have thrown their support behind the Conservatives today after details emerged of a radical new plan to abolish school holidays and send children to school for 12 hours a day, seven days a week, 365 days of the year.

Racists reacted with predictable denial today when faced with the reality that the punishments they frequently recommend for those seeking asylum, immigrants and generally anyone with more than a two day sun-tan are identical...

It's one of the most famous stories, if not the most famous, in the English language. It's been made into countless films, plays and TV adaptions. But for Theresa May it has a fatal...

Social scientists have revealed a study that shows a correlation between the decline in the British sense of humour and decline in pub chat. Dr Frederick Seddon of Rochdale college said, "Britain likes to think...

As the heatwave currently hitting the UK enters its third day water companies across Britain have enforced hose pipe bans once again. Despite months of endless downpours, and one of the wettest winters on record,...

A bloke from Rochdale is being praised as some kind of wizard today after getting a straw into a Capri Sun on his effort. Ryan Griffiths, known as Beardy to his mates, pulled off the...

Research done by students at Rochdale's Kingsway Park school suggests that parents are bigger liars than politicians. 6th Former Tom Wilkes who was head of the team conducting the research explained the reason for the study. "We...

Researchers from the Rochdale Institute for Social Morphology released today the results of their latest study into the changing oral traditions of the British Isles. It seems references to King Arthur and Queen Boudicca, and...

It's "snow" joke. Santa has sensationally sacked his seasonal sidekick, Rudolph. The reason was that the much-loved face of animal disability was displaying typically low levels of productivity. "It's all for the best," said...