A bloke’s glowing description of himself on his CV definitely does not bear any resemblance to observations of his personality, it has emerged.

During a recent interview Graham Jones, an accountant from Leicester, was asked to describe himself in a few words and chose entrepreneurial and inspirational.

Interviewer Brian Sampson said: “I definitely heard him describe himself as entrepreneurial and inspirational. I’d seen it written on his CV but I frankly wasn’t prepared for him to look me in the eye and lie to my face.”

“He was wearing a brown suit and black shoes for Christ’s sake. As far as I can tell he’s not a particularly good accountant and if he’s an entrepreneur why is he trying to get a job working for a carpet fitting business?”

“Shouldn’t he be flying around the world on one of his jets or perhaps sunning himself on the deck of one of his yachts while chatting to a bevy a scantily clad supermodels.”

“I’m sure he’s a nice bloke but he’s hardly the Messiah is he, he has inspired me to maybe go to the gym a bit more often and lose a bit of weight. I really don’t want to get to his age and be as out of shape as he is.”

“I’m sure he’s a nice bloke but to be honest he should have described himself as “at this interview” and “prepared to do the job for less than it was advertised for” because if he had, he’d be working here now.”

Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.