Kitchen fitter offered job as spy

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Roy Clark, a 56 year old kitchen fitter from Castleton was amazed to discover that his application for Agent of Her Majesty's Secret Service...

Man who thinks caging children is a good idea says Brexit will be great

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A man who thinks that separating children from their parents and putting them in a cage is a good idea has said that the...

Travelling 250 miles to avoid taking care of child unsurprisingly fine with Boris Johnson

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The role of senior Downing Street Adviser Dominic Cummings was called into question after news emerged that he had seen fit to visit the...

Owen Smith thrilled with shiny new campaign bus

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Owen Smith is said to be delighted with his shiny new campaign bus. "It's brilliant!" he sang. "It shits all over Corbyn's campaign bike" Smith drew...

New Carling advert just footage of Wayne Rooney trying to remember driving home

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A new advertising campaign for Carling beer will allegedly feature Wayne Rooney trying to remember driving home. The campaign has come in for criticism from...

Mob smashing ambulance up fine because it’s the will of the people, confirm Brexiteers

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Members of a mob that smashed up an ambulance as part of the post match celebrations yesterday were within their democratic rights according to...

Stonewall acknowledge calls for heterosexual pride day with “Float of Closets”

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Breakthrough for influential alt-gay movement as the legendary Ruth Hunt, CEO of Stonewall, personally announced the plan to address the concerns that alt-gays were...
Children Christmas Presents

Thank you for supporting Satire Aid – 26,000 presents worth £175,000

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The numbers are now in for Satire Aid's Big Fat Secret Santa appeal. Together the readers of The Rochdale Herald, NewsThump, Angry People in...
riot police 2

Police urge Burnley residents not to report sightings of fruit and veg in shops

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Police in Burnley have been inundated with 999 calls after shops started stocking fresh fruit and veg. Rumours that local shops had been taking secret...
Yorkshire Family

Family of Yorkshireman caught in endless loop of telling it like it is win...

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There was a relief for a family on the wrong side of the Pennines this afternoon, as a man with a debilitating terminal illness...
Pope

Racists oddly quiet about global paedophile gang operating in Rochdale

Racists around the UK have been oddly quiet about the international paedophile network that has been operating in Rochdale, and everywhere else that matter, for centuries. "We usually...

Woman captures the spirit of Christmas by screening calls, binge eating and watching Netflix.

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Denise Dufite of Middleton has captured the spirit of Christmas by ignoring the twelfth phone call of the day. Instead of answering calls from...

Geordies vow to fight back against latest extremist plot

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The people of Tyneside reacted defiantly to the latest so-called Islamic State threat and vowed to defeat radicalisation in all its forms, particularly weather...
UK Police

Concerns mount for Rochdale man not heard yelling at Six O’clock News

Concerns are mounting over the welfare of a Rochdale man who is apparently missing from his Lancashire home. Steve Dickinson, 42 and a bit, was...

Cost of posting a letter first class rises to both legs below the knee

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The rises in the cost of posting your mum's birthday card using The Royal Mail have now come into effect. A first-class stamp will now...
Snow on trees

Britain urged to get used to winter

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With the annual two inches of snow set to cause havoc across the country again experts have advised people to stop whining and get...

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