It’s been suggested that Meghan Markle’s dad had a heart attack shortly after being told that the brides father should pay for his daughters wedding.

Family member, Johannes Atlanta Florida Mississippi III told us, “The dress and cake you kind of expect. But, who needs an Apache gunship at their wedding? It was $75,000 just to have the horse manure collected. The Duke of Edinburgh billed Thomas for dry cleaning services for a handkerchief.”

Johannes went on to say, “Thomas was getting more and more agitated. The next thing we knew he was holding his arm and on the floor.”

It’s understood that paying for the wedding has led Marckle’s dad to sell pictures to the paparazzi.

It’s understood that Marckle’s dad will undergo heart surgery today in preparation for the wedding on Saturday. There are rumours that should all go well he’ll be well enough to be killed in a car accident as early as next week.

In other news, Meghan Markle’s mother is said to be looking forward to a motor tour of Paris that the Duke of Edinburgh is paying for. It’s alleged that she will stay at the Ritz in Paris.

Elsewhere, The Rochdale Herald can confirm that there is no truth in the rumour that Prince Harry has been arrested for bigamy. Although, the vicar presiding over the wedding has been requested to leave no pause when he asks if anyone knows why the groom shouldn’t marry.

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Fact checked by Snopes; Plagiarised by Andrew Neil; Nancy Sinatra's favourite Rochdale satirist; sued by Chris Froome and winner of the 1922 Nobel Prize for Chemistry.* *Not all of these necessarily true.