The Government has pledged to start tackling violent crime now that it’s affecting wealthy people in London.
A Spokesman for Theresa May said, “When the Government said that we’re in it together they envisaged a more give and take relationship. They’d give it and everyone else would take it. But now cutting police funding has led to the unexpected consequence of crime rising so much that even the wealthy are being mugged.”
The spokesman went on, “We were fine when it was ordinary people being mugged. They should know better than to have their mobile phone out in public. If they can’t afford to have somebody steal it then they shouldn’t have one in the first place.”
Before adding, “But now a man can’t even walk down the street with a Rolex that costs more than most people earn on his wrist.”
The spokesman said the Government was currently trying to figure out how to pay for increased policing in wealthy areas of London. “If only there were some sort of untapped source of wealth we could tax. All these wealthy people are too poor to pay tax as they keep telling us.”
It’s understood that the Government plans to cut funding for schools in an effort to increase spending. “What’s the point in teaching them to read? They only use it to mug you anyway” said the Government spokesman.
