The people of Tyneside reacted defiantly to the latest so-called Islamic State threat and vowed to defeat radicalisation in all its forms, particularly weather manipulation.
Following a recent Daily Express article, in which the reporter hit the perfect combination of anti-Muslim racism and cold-weather doom-mongering by suggesting that recent extremes of cold weather across Europe were caused by the activities of Daesh, Geordies vowed not to be cowed into wearing jackets or coats in sub-zero temperatures.
Interviewing a Geordie outside the Duke of Northumberland pub near the Grainger Market in Newcastle-upon-Tyne city centre last night, our reporter was told “Ah divvint knar abyeut politics an’ everythin’, but it seems tuh wor that if ah wes tuh put on a coet in this freezin wetha, the terrorists hev won, haven’t the’?”
When asked to comment on pornographer Richard Desmond’s decision to put out such an incendiary item with his sizeable organ, the Daily Express, our interviewee commented “Yee can wank tuh it, as ah believe a lot iv those ahld UKIP lads an’ lasses dee, but ah still prefor Horny Housewives an’ Asian Babes fo’ a reet satisfyin hand shandy.”
None the wiser, our reporter then went on to look for someone who could speak English.