National News

Leading women's clothing shop owners have said they stock clothes with inconsistent sizing to mess with women's heads. One leading shop owner said, "We deliberately make our clothes quite large. So a size 10 here...

The Government has pledged to start tackling violent crime now that it's affecting wealthy people in London.  A Spokesman for Theresa May said, "When the Government said that we're in it together they envisaged a...

There were scenes of chaos at Speakers' Corner earlier today after a steaming pile of dog shit was apparently mistaken for EDL-founder Tommy Robinson.  It is understood that the moldering heap of crap, which is said to bear an uncanny resemblance to the convicted fraudster, was spotted by one of...

Today crowds of nearly a few dozen have gathered outside Downing Street armed with Placards stating "free are Tommy" and two Netto bags full of premium strength lager. They are protesting the imprisonment of Luton...

Ketamine dealers nationwide have moved to distance themselves from Katie Hopkins, it has been confirmed. The news came following the upholding of a complaint by the Independent Press Standards Organisation made by Hopkins into recent...

Conservative Party Central Office have announced this week that new members will be recieve a variety of benefits including discounts at Michael Gove's new chain of restaurants "Kentucky Fried Pheasant." The first restaurant is due...

The imposition of sweeping timetable changes on Britain's railways for the first time in 17 years has been an unmitgated success, it has been confirmed. Speaking from his commuter-proof luxury concrete bunker by scrambler radio,...

A family pet in North Yorkshire has jumped to the conclusion that he is about to go for a walk after his owner crossed his legs on the sofa while drinking a cup of...

The wartime diary of Anne Frank has been found to contain a script for the pilot episode of Mrs. Brown's Boys. Recent imaging analysis of the diary, which was maintained by the Jewish teenager from...

It's been suggested that Meghan Markle's dad had a heart attack shortly after being told that the brides father should pay for his daughters wedding. Family member, Johannes Atlanta Florida Mississippi III told us, "The...

Pig's have been telling us that calling alcoholic racists gammon is racist. Pig, Stan Still said, "It's racist and it trivialises our sacrifice. Millions of my porcine pals have died to give you a tasty...

The Women's Institute are lobbying  the Health Secretary demanding that Viagra only be available through prescription and after consultation with a Doctor. Recent changes bought in by the medical watchdog, MHRA, mean Viagra can now...

"I'll deliver Brexit just like I deliver pizza." That's what Theresa May said and people have been queuing up to say that that's Brexit stuffed then. George Osborne said, "She once bought pizza for us...

Brexiteers have been quick to point out that a post-Brexit vote increase in racism was on the other bus. Government clown Boris Johnson said, "This report is totally inaccurate and does a disservice to honest,...

Mayor plans to ban junk food adverts from Transport for London. Mayor of London, Sadiq Khan, today announced a plan to ban junk food adverts from Transport for London. The Mayor said "Almost 40 per...

BMW has confirmed a second recall of hundreds of thousands of vehicles from UK roads in a year, due to problems with the cars faulty drivers. The German car giant said it was recalling 312,000...