There were scenes of chaos at Speakers’ Corner earlier today after a steaming pile of dog shit was apparently mistaken for EDL-founder Tommy Robinson.
It is understood that the moldering heap of crap, which is said to bear an uncanny resemblance to the convicted fraudster, was spotted by one of his supporters just before midday and a photo of the poo was subsequently shared widely on social media. Mistakenly believing that the Islamophobic hate-monger had been released from prison early, crowds of gammon-faced thugs travelled to Hyde Park to hear him speak.
However, many were left disappointed when the festering mound of bum sausages failed to utter a single racist syllable.
“Tommy should never have been locked up for his free speech in the first place,” said supporter Darren Fudd, 32.
“I’m glad he’s out but I wish he’d start shouting stuff about Muslim rape gangs before my mum comes to pick me up.”
Other supporters interpreted the turd’s silence differently, believing it to be a protest against Government censorship.
“Every time Tommy tries to tell the truth about the Muzzies the authorities lock him up,” said Robinson devotee Gary Smallcock, 46.
“I can see what he’s doing and he’s got my full support, even if it does mean I’ll have nothing to console myself with later when I’m failing to satisfy my wife.”
According to witnesses, the gathering was largely trouble-free until the owner of the dog that left the poo tried to clean it up with a carrier bag. Police were called after several supporters threatened the woman with violence for “censoring free speech” and then attempted to free the faeces from a dog waste bin. The dog in question has denied any affiliation to the far right mouthpiece, saying that he “wouldn’t piss on him if he was a burning lamppost”.
Robinson continues to serve a 13-month prison sentence for jeopardising an ongoing court case. Staff within HMP Hull have described him as a model prisoner and a “caring and attentive wife” to Big Raheem on D Wing.