Turning Trump off and on again doesn’t seem to have done any good

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The White House Head of IT has expressed his heightened concern that the Presidency could be heading for a critical outage. Head of IT Maurice...
Stable Genius

White House cleaners resign over ‘I’m a stable genius’ written in sh*t on Oval...

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Washington - Reports are coming in today that the White House domestic staff who are responsible for cleaning the Oval Office have resigned over...
Illegal Immigrants boarding ship

New Technology Foils Illegal Immigrants

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In conjunction with the British Government-funded wall in Calais, British officials are working with maritime consultants on methods to physically prevent illegal immigrants from...

The Australian Federal Opposition has called for a Royal Commission into Royal Commissions

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In an extraordinary turn of events in Australia Opposition Immigration Minister Aidan Androyd has declared the "necessity for this Royal Commission." "Well, I tried to...
Trump

Trump ecstatic at 99% approval rating from alt-right protesters

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Speaking about the rally on Saturday Trump is alleged to have said, "There sure was a lot of people there. The press will say it was about 200 people. It looked about 45,000. That set a record. They all set a record. Obama never got that many alt-right supporters. They came because of me and I'm proud of that. It's my greatest achievement as President so far."

Man-child chickens out of UK visit because people said mean things about him

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Man-child and completely stable genius Donald Trump has reportedly cancelled his planned visit to the UK next month, according to the White House. Trump was...
Donald Trump

I will sue my victims says Donald Trump

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Donald Trump has vowed to track down and sue all of his victims after the presidential elections.
A delighted Sun Reader

Sun says Trump not nonce as he checks girls teeth before ‘dating’ 

1
Sun Readers thrilled Donald Trump acquitted of raping 13 year old after convincing judge she "had teeth of 21 year old."
Angela Merkel

Merkel Pulls Out of EU Security Council Talks as There’s No German Word for...

0
Angela Merkel broke off talks with the EU's British Security Commissioner this week that were about the worsening crisis affecting the free movement of people.
Trump Airplane

Trump locked out of nuclear football after entering incorrect code three times and forgetting...

28
Apparently POTUS did get Ivanka to click on the “forgotten your password?” help icon on the device that destroys worlds and was offered a series of security questions in order to reset his password.
Dumpster Fire

Dumpster fires unhappy about comparisons to US Democracy

13
Skip fires around the world have declared they are unhappy with being compared to the US democratic process.
Imortan Joe with Trump's face

Mad Max: Fury Road found to be future documentary sent back as a warning

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"Mad Max:Fury Road" has been found to be a future documentary, sent back as a warning. The documentary, originally titled 'Trump's Legacy' was hastily thrown...

Bill Clinton Finally “Boss of Me” after Hillary Loss

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Bill Clinton will finally get to be “the Boss of Me” after Hilary’s stunning loss in the US Presidential Election.

Scotch and Revolver sales jump 30,000% during Trump’s inaugural speech

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Scotch Whiskey and revolver salesman all over the world are in buoyant mood this afternoon after a huge windfall sales extravaganza during President Trump's inaugural address.
Yemeni Children

Screw Yemeni kids we make loads of money selling smart bombs to the Saudis...

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It's absolutely fine that the UK supplies Saudi Arabia with the weapons that they are using to murder Yemeni children, Theresa May has told...
Santa

The ‘Santa Clause’ prevents Article 50 from being triggered experts warn

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In a massive blow to the government, German lawyer Rudolph Shnitz has highlighted a clause in section 4 of article 38 dubbed 'The Santa...

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