Donald Trump has announced a new step in his plan to make America great again – he’s renaming it after himself.
In a press conference, he told the assembled reporters, “look, America Ves-whatshisname did a damn good thing discovering this country an’ all, but really, what else did he do? Does he truly deserve to be the guy the country is named after?”
He further said of Amerigo Vespucci, “he wasn’t even American, he was some foreign dude. And that’s the issue here, that’s the question we must all ask ourselves. Do we really want our country named after somebody foreign?”
When asked what alternate name he was suggesting for the country, Mr Trump had no hesitation in making his announcement. “Trumptopia. It’s the best name this country could have. It’s got two meanings. It’s like Utopia, and it’s named after me. There’s no-one better to name this country after than me.”
Of course, the “topia” part of the name could, depending on your point of view, make you think Utopia or Dystopia, but this doesn’t faze the president.
“Anyone who thinks of Trumptopia as that opposite thing is just evil and nasty and wrong,” he said. “Trumptopia – the new name for paradise. It’ll be great. Really great.”