America

A nursery class somewhere in the US was reportedly in turmoil yesterday.  The usual relative calm was shattered by a screaming blubber-baby having a foot stamping tantrum fit after realising somebody had used his own...

President-elect Donald Trump revealed today that although he had expressed a preference for Nigel Farage as UK ambassador to the USA, this was a case of his "head ruling his penis".  "Although Nigel would be...

After 63 years of success Alcoholics Anonymous of America have added a 13th Step to their eponymous programme - Step 13: Don't Fucking Bother. The new step has been introduced today. Founder of AAA Bill...

Hollywood millionaire Harvey Weinstein has said he is "truly sorry" for cracking jokes about James Corden at a black tie charity dinner in Los Angeles. Mr Weinstein released a press statement apologising for his quips,...

As the case against Trump supporter and white nationalist butt-nugget Matthew Heimbach heats up, his lawyer has said that Trump may well be called to the stand and indicted himself, for incitement. In the federal...

President Donald J. Trump has apologised for misreading an email which has led to some bizarre policy announcements in the last few days. The President was sent an email asking him for ‘draft proposals’ which he...

A flag of the United States of America was saved from burning today after a brave patriot quelled the flames using an African American man. Billy-Bob Abernathy, 54 of Florida started the accidental blaze last...

Donald Trump has announced a new step in his plan to make America great again - he's renaming it after himself. In a press conference, he told the assembled reporters, "look, America Ves-whatshisname did a...

An entire top shelf of global mass murderers have signalled they plan to emerge from hiding following the announcement by US president Donald trump that he has - complete power to pardon anyone, anywhere,...

Donald Trump has declared Britain "unsafe for US Citizens" as the UK Armed Police have been named the worst in the World on the influential Slager Scale. Named after Michael Slager - the fat,...

In a twist to today's latest gaffe by Donald Trump, his campaign manager has resigned citing lack of experience on his part. Jo Frost, Channel Four's Super Nanny is said to be in discussion...

Dr David Duke, former Grand Dragon of the Ku Klux Klan, Senate hopeful and all American Nazi Screwball, has accepted President Elect Donald Trump’s offer of a key advisory role in his new government.

The Director of The CIA, John O'Brennan, asked Jason Bourne to pop over to Trump Tower. Following allegations Donald Trump made about the US intelligence community leaking reports of recordings of alleged encounters with Eastern...

I mean, just....Fuck,  Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck.  A spokesman for minorities everywhere said; "Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck." He continued...

In preparation for his inauguration ceremony, President elect Trump has commissioned Fabergé, the esteemed and historic jewellery makers to the Russian emperors, to craft him the "biggliest and most expensive selfie stick in the...

Donald Trump has demanded "they fire these sons of bitches" over the growing #takeafinger protests. A woman pictured raising her middle finger toward Trump's motorcade has reportedly been fired from her job over the photograph. The...