Donald Trump has declared Britain “unsafe for US Citizens” as the UK Armed Police have been named the worst in the World on the influential Slager Scale. Named after Michael Slager – the fat, lazy, white South Carolina Policeman who put 8 bullets into the back of an unarmed black citizen who had not committed any crime – The Slager Scale measures the likelihood of having a cap popped in your ass by the local constabulary.
Statistics show that despite the UK arming & training 6000 firearms officers and authorising their deployment in 18000 incidents in 2015, only a pitiful 7 British officers managed to squeeze off a few rounds in the entire year – a figure lower than the Boy Scouts of America for the same period.

US Presidential nominee Donald Trump branded PM & former Home Secretary Mrs May “no Dirty Harriet” and claimed that the UK was not a safe place since “these guys can’t find their asses with both hands when it comes to dispensing summary justice”

Jeremy Corbyn claimed it was due to a lack of funding for bullets and “more evidence of Austerity hitting vital Public Services”. He continued that “when he was in power the Secret Police would have more than enough ammo”. However he later changed tack saying that he “wanted to make Britain great again” and that “in a utopian Socialist Britain fairness, bunnies and eternal happiness will reign just like in Russia, China & Bolivia”