Trump joins Time Magazine “Person of the Year” club
In a move in keeping with the utter shit show that has been 2016, Time Magazine has named the orange baboon Donald Trump "Person...
US Police Report Record Start to Season After “Glorious Twelfth”
US Police are have reported a record start to the Season after the traditional start to the Civilian Shooting Season with Tulsa leading the...
Conspiracy theorists concerned nobody might be in charge after all
American conspiracy theorists heads are exploding at an alarming rate as the two main presidential candidates get more and more terrible.
"Up until yesterday I was...
Bill Clinton Gives Trump His “Little Black Book”
Bill Clinton, who famously began his Presidency by drawing up a list of every woman in America between the ages of 18 and 35, has formally handed over his Little Black Book to President Trump.
Elon Musk offers POTUS a ticket to ride his rocket
Sources close to the White House have revealed that Elon Musk has today offered Donald Trump a ride on the next Falcon Heavy rocket.
The...
Trump apologises for misreading email.
President Donald J. Trump has apologised for misreading an email which has led to some bizarre policy announcements in the last few days.
The President was...
Fat People Rejoice as America Turns Into a Parody of Itself
Scenes of wild jubilation, gunfire and a surfeit of 'Go Large Burgers with Extra Fries' greeted the overnight transformation of the United States of...
Trump orders Fabergé selfie-stick for inauguration
In preparation for his inauguration ceremony, President elect Trump has commissioned Fabergé, the esteemed and historic jewellery makers to the Russian emperors, to craft...
Gays seen boarding ark two by two in Texas saying ‘our work here is...
An ark has been spotted in Texas picking up a group of homosexuals who caused all the flooding there.
The findings have come as a...
The United States to allow Guns to be purchased from Vending Machines
United States, Washington DC - A new bill has been passed in the United States, to allow firearms to be sold from Vending Machines....
US Government admits covering up red alert over imminent asteroid impact
Scientists and Government sources have confirmed that the giant asteroid, 2016-FI is on course to strike the Northern Hemisphere after initial uncertainty about it's...
Kavanaugh to celebrate Supreme Court confirmation with White House keg party
Newly-appointed Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh will celebrate his confirmation later today by throwing a massive kegger at the White House, sources have confirmed.
Kavanaugh, whose nomination...
Donald Trump to join list of ‘self-aware’ animals after recognising himself in a mirror
US President Donald Trump joined the list of animals capable of self-awareness yesterday, following reports that he may have finally recognised himself in a...
People hoping absolute power will moderate narcissistic bully
Political analysts are speculating that now Donald Trump is leader of the free world his personality will metamorphose into that of a wise leader...
Trump demands phone number for Ghostbusters after being visited by three spirits
President of the United States of America, Donald Trump is demanding to know how to get in touch with the Ghostbusters, it has been...
Bill Cosby Offers Trump PR Advice Over Sexual Assault Allegations
Dateline this morning, and in the face of a slew of fresh sexual assault allegations, beleaguered Republican presidential hopeful Donald Trump has found himself...
