Trump’s presidency is ‘metaphorical, not literal’, says Spicer

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Following unsubstantiated wiretapping allegations, president Trump’s press secretary, Sean Spicer, has argued that Trump is the metaphorical president and leader of the free world,...

NASA announce Kellyanne Conway is not of this world

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NASA has announced it will hold a press conference later this week to reveal new discoveries "of significant importance, "beyond our solar system". The agency...
Trump Airplane

Trump locked out of nuclear football after entering incorrect code three times and forgetting...

28
Apparently POTUS did get Ivanka to click on the “forgotten your password?” help icon on the device that destroys worlds and was offered a series of security questions in order to reset his password.
Donald Genius Trump

Trump awards Trump Imaginary Medal of Honor for imaginary heroics

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President of the actually terrific US, Donald Trump, is to reward his own bravery with a special medal, the Purple Cheeseburger, after his courage...

Theresa May says alcohol and poor judgement to blame for Trump state visit

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Theresa May has been responding to calls to cancel the Trump state visit during a press conference today. Responding to criticism that the invitation for...
AR-15

Americans forced to drink milkshakes through AR-15 assault rifles after plastic straw ban hits...

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The unjust plastic straw ban threatens the American way of life, but citizens are finding an innovative way to beat the ban.   Consuming tens of...
Donald Trump

Donald Trump denies allegations he has rigged erections

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The allegation was made by Anthony "Fandango" Scaramucci following his removal from post. The President's former tiny-right-hand man lashed out indiscriminately at his former...

Conspiracy theorists concerned nobody might be in charge after all

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American conspiracy theorists heads are exploding at an alarming rate as the two main presidential candidates get more and more terrible. "Up until yesterday I was...

Trump asking his people to crack the nuclear codes in case he needs to...

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‘I hope POTUS has his best people working on cracking the nuclear codes in case we go to war with that crazy man in Canada.’
Guns

Why does this keep happening, asks country selling guns without doing background checks

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A country who sells weapons over the counter to anybody who wants one is stumped at how it can be home to so many...

David Duke retracts Trump endorsement saying no room for “locker room banter” in politics

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In sensational news today David Duke, the former head of the Ku Klux Klan, has withdrawn his support for Republican Presidential Candidate Donald Trump.

Trump nominates Bill Cosby for US Supreme Court

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Bill Cosby has been elected to the US Supreme Court after being sentenced for sex assault. Cosby, who today received a 10 year sentence for...

Madame Tussauds new Trump wax work backs out of inauguration

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Madame Tussauds have declined to exhibit their new Trump wax work at the impending inauguration on Friday. Simon Wick, a spokesman for Tussauds said; "Its nothing...
Trump

Donald Trump fails to mention the length of his penis in speech defending western...

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Donald Trump left an eager crowd shocked in Poland today when he failed to mention the length of his schlong once during a rousing...

White House CCTV confirms Obama listening to Trump in Oval Office

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Secret Service agents are reviewing White House CCTV footage this morning which Donald Trump believes show Obama inside the White House. The footage, captured in...
Trump Supporters

Trump discovers one weird trick to increasing attendance at his rallies

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The White House has confirmed that Donald Trump has found a weird trick to increasing attendance at his rallies. During a speech given to Texas...

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