Unreliable sources have alleged Hilary Clinton’s emails reveal she would already have nuked North Korea.
Unknown sources have emailed the Rochdale Herald’s ‘End of Something’ correspondent with the following scoop,
“First order of business is nuking North Korea. Second order of business is nuking North Korea again.”
The source claims the thinking behind the unfulfilled plan was to ensure her approval ratings never dropped below fifty five percent while in office.
Further extracts reveal she had plans to construct “Wall Street on the Korean Peninsula” once the “dust and stuff has settled.”
The secret plan nicknamed “Too mad to fail” would have involved allowing Donald Trump to construct a golf course in Pyongyang as soon as he could get his “flabby gold plated ass over there with all that laundered rooskie cash”, in a move being seen as reaching across the partisan divide.
In a bizarre twist echoing current events the extracts from her emails, which are almost definitely not fakes, reveal she intended to create the pretext for the nuclear strike by “dropping a little boy on Guam or somewhere no one in the USA knows exists” but is part of American territory.
It’s just possible that the Trump team got hold of the emails from their possible foreign backers last year and decided it was such a great plan they would do it themselves after they’d taken control of the USA.
The emails also included a damning indictment of Obama,
“That silly peacenik. How are we supposed to get an unassailable hold on the polls if he keeps using drones? Nobody pays attention to drones. We need to do something that looks swell on the news. We need something big. What better to get the rust belt vote than the promise of mass employment for unemployed construction workers rebuilding Korea?”
The Rochdale Herald contracted Clinton’s people for comment on the leaked emails but they said we’d have to wait until Hilary had time to write a memoir about them titled “Mushroom clouds don’t lie.”
The extracts further reveal the third thing Clinton intended to do in office was “nuke North Korea.”