Dog shit bin in Rochdale park to be named after Nigel Farage in New...

A new dog waste bin being installed in Mandale Park is to be named after Nigel Farage, according to plans allegedly leaked by a Rochdale council employee. The 'Nigel Farage Dog Waste Bin' will be...

Riot Police and Protestors Come Together to Help Fat Man out of Jeans

There were touching scenes at The Moderates against Moderation riot in the car park outside Rochdale's now infamous Waitrose as police and rioters came together to help a fat man out of his trousers. Steve...

Scientists admit Rees-Mogg is experiment to create the perfect twat

There was mild surprise today, as the lid was blown off a secret program revealing that Tory MP Jacob Rees-Mogg was the product of an experiment to engineer 'the perfect twat'. Whistleblowers have revealed that...

Scottish government urged to act as Edinburgh chip shop caught selling deep-fried HEROIN

Health campaigners in Scotland have urged the SNP government to take immediate action after an Edinburgh chip shop was found to be selling deep-fried Class A drugs. Described by some as "possibly the most Scottish...

Corbyn criticised over links to NWA

Controversial Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn has been heavily criticised for his links to rap group NWA. A picture of Jeremy "terrorists are my mates" Corbyn sipping gin and juice with rapper Easy E has been largely shared across social media.
Francis Underwood

Fictional President held to higher standard than actual President

Fictional President of the United States Francis Underwood has been obliged to step down this week following allegations of historical sexual harassment. Whilst his Presidency has been marred by a number of controversies, FPOTUS Underwood...
Old Graduate

University of Life under Ofsted investigation after turning out complete fucking idiots

Chief Ofsted inspector Mark Teachers announced today he would be launching a special investigation into the University of Life, based in Thanet. A lower-level investigation is planned in Swanley's School of Hard Knocks. Mr Teachers...
Tommy Robinson

Muslims should respect our laws, says racist in prison for breaking our laws

Today crowds of nearly a few dozen have gathered outside Downing Street armed with Placards stating "free are Tommy" and two Netto bags full of premium strength lager. They are protesting the imprisonment of Luton...
Theresa May

Theresa May to raise voting age to 35

Senior Tory advisors, still reeling from Thursday's disastrous election result which provided a hung parliament, are said today to be telling the prime minister Theresa May that something serious has to be done about Britain's broken electoral system.

Piers Morgan quits Good Morning Britain to reprise Pigeon Lady role in Home Alone...

Piers Morgan has reportedly quit Good Morning Britain this week in order to reprise his award-winning role of Pigeon Lady in the Home Alone movie franchise. Following the success...

Monty Python Parrot cleared fit for work by ATOS

The famous Monty Python Parrot was cleared for work this morning following a work capability assessment interview.
Theresa May

Theresa May meets Nicola Sturgeon to tell her to fuck off in person

Theresa May met children's entertainer and Scottish First Minister, Nicola Sturgeon today to tell her to fuck off in person. Ostensibly the meeting was to reassure the Scottish First Minister that Scotland, who would have...

I married him for rugged good looks and winning personality claims Melania Trump

Melania Trump has gone on the record to tell the world that she married Donald Trump not for his money but his rugged good looks, winning personality and his open minded views on immigration.
Boris Johnson

Boris Johnson breaks the ice in DUP meeting with “Paddy and Mick walk into...

It appears only a matter of hours after a desperate Theresa May formed a coalition with the Northern Irish DUP, relationships have broken down. A Downing street source has told the Herald the initial meeting...

Trump rally cancels book burning as supporters have no books to burn

Plans for an official book burning at a Trump rally in Bumshart California had to be scrapped yesterday after it emerged Trump supporters in the state own no books. The book bonfire was to be...
Theresa May

Theresa May accused of muttering in parliament “fuck em, let em starve”

Theresa May was accused of muttering the words "fuck em, let em starve" in parliament on Wednesday. May appeared to mutter the words during a debate in the Commons about whether or not orphaned children...

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