Cute dog is a savage little shit
A survey of very cute little dogs has discovered that almost 99.9% of them are in fact savage little bastards.
The survey which was carried...
Prince Charles admits years of talking to vegetables perfect preparation for Trump visit
Prince Charles has confirmed that years of talking to vegetables at Highgrove are the perfect preparation for meeting Donald Trump today.
There's been a...
I’ve already wrapped all my Christmas presents, say terrifying psychopaths
Terrifying psychopaths around the country have taken time out from planning murders and disembowelling their neighbour's pets to tell The Rochdale Herald that they...
Bob Marley suspended from Labour Party over claims iron lions are from Zion
Scandal has hit the beleaguered former political party, the Labour Party, this morning after a kangaroo court voted to suspend the dead Rastafarian singer...
Walkers still putting cheese and onion crisps in wrong coloured bag
Walkers crisps have been told that they're putting cheese and onion crisps in the wrong coloured bag despite everyone knowing that they don't go...
Theresa May accused of muttering in parliament “fuck em, let em starve”
Theresa May was accused of muttering the words "fuck em, let em starve" in parliament on Wednesday.
May appeared to mutter the words during a...
Man kills woman
A woman has been killed by a man, make sure you use passive voice, the article is going to be about the woman
This article...
First shipment of thoughts and prayers for mass shooting victims arrive in California
It's all better in California now after a much needed vital shipment of thoughts and prayers arrived in Gilroy following today's mass shooting.
"Yeah, we're...
Emergency services called after Bob Geldof disappears up his own arse
Two fire engines along with police and ambulance crews were called to the centre of Dublin after reports came in that a man had...
Trump wears tinfoil hat to stop Obama hearing his thoughts…
President Donald J. Trump has come up with an ingenious solution to prevent Obama from ‘spying on his thoughts’. He now wears a tinfoil...
Conservative Christmas Party cancelled after failing to negotiate piss up deal with brewery
There was despair throughout the Conservative Party today after government officials announced that the annual Christmas do has been cancelled.
The news comes after many...
Buzz Aldrin says not punching Trump is his greatest achievement
Buzz Aldrin has suprised many today by saying that his greatest achievement is not punching Donald Trump. Mr Aldrin attended an event where the...
In absence of dragons, brave knight slays thousands of poor, disabled and homeless
Albion; pleasant, fair and green
In the year of our Lord, 2020
Dragons were few and seldom seen,
Yet poor folk were a plenty
Though dragons were vanquished...
RAF successfully destroy evidence of UK chemicals exports
Targeted strikes destroy invoices, with only minor collateral damage to Syrian accountants.
RAF Bomber Command confirmed the series of raids sanctioned by the May government...
White nationalists boycott Black Friday claiming all Fridays matter
A number of white nationalist groups have joined together in a boycott against the post-Thanksgiving consumer event known as Black Friday.
Black Friday has been...
Christian groups OUTRAGED as Apple replace Christian emojis with Islamojis
The next update to Apple's iOS devices will feature almost 100 Islamic emojis, dubbed Islamojis, replacing almost all Christian iconography available on the iPhone...
