Judge insists stabbing people is fine provided you’re rich and pretty
A Judge set a legal precedent today after ruling that stabbing someone is fine provided you are blonde, twenty four, have a posh name, great...
Middle-class mums save planet by driving to Waitrose in massive Range Rovers to buy...
Middle class mums all over the Home Counties are being credited with a reversal to the effects of Global Warming after tens of thousands...
Theresa May meets Nicola Sturgeon to tell her to fuck off in person
Theresa May met children's entertainer and Scottish First Minister, Nicola Sturgeon today to tell her to fuck off in person.
Ostensibly the meeting was to...
World in shock after professional boxer wins boxing match against amateur boxer
The sporting world is in disarray this morning after an unbeaten professional boxer won a boxing match against a bloke who hadn't had a...
Canada and Mexico to build border walls if World Bank will fund a lid
The governments of Canada and Mexico reached an historic agreement today to build 50 foot tall walls along their borders with the US on the proviso that the World Bank lends them the money for a lid.
Child taken from mother after being forced to live as a Tory
A seven-year-old boy from Rochdale who had been "living life entirely as a Tory" has been taken from his mother's care following a High...
Humans cured of sexuality after imagining Ann Widdecombe masturbating in the bath
Scientists from Rochdale's Community University have finally managed to find a cure for human sexuality after asking people to imagine Ann Widdecombe fiddling with...
Daily Mail Readers confused more toddlers haven’t walked alone to UK from Syria
Daily Mail Readers are confused more toddlers haven't walked the 2,000 miles to Calais from Syria.
People who go for walks but don’t own a dog are a bit weird...
The Kennel club released a statement this afternoon saying that people who don't own a dog but go for a daily walk are a bit weird, probably up to something and should be approached with caution.
Donald Trump autobiography ‘My Struggle’ set for December release
A spokesman for Donald Trump has announced that the eagerly anticipated Trump autobiography is set for release in early December just in time for...
Saudi woman celebrates being able to drive to friends stoning
A Saudi woman has been telling the Rochdale Herald how she's looking forward to being allowed to drive to the stoning of a woman...
Dead mouse on kitchen floor is a warning, not a gift
The dead animals that the cat has been dragging in from the garden are not gifts, they’re warnings cats have confirmed.
Fluffles the cat, from...
Dead mice brought in by cats to be declared part of household income in...
Cat-owners are now being asked to count any rodents or birds left on their doorstep as declarable earnings in their application for means-tested benefits,...
Terror as scientists find link between Daily Mail and racist pensioners
Following an uncomfortable family dinner with her parents, local woman Karen Smith, 28, reported to friends yesterday that she fears mirroring their gradual decline...
Tim Nice But Dim appointed UK Ambassador to the EU
In a surprise move Theresa May has appointed Tim Nice But Dim UK Amabassador to the EU.
Dog shit bin in Rochdale park to be named after Nigel Farage in New...
A new dog waste bin being installed in Mandale Park is to be named after Nigel Farage, according to plans allegedly leaked by a...
