In the latest Tory manifesto promise benefit claimants and people earning less than minimum wage are to be sent a free chamber pot.
Current Work and Pensions Secretary, Iain Crabb Green, said;
“This is a fantastic opportunity for our party to give something back. The chamber pots, one per household, are emblazoned with the Conservative logo on one side and the words ‘Strong and Stable’ on the other.”
He continued; “They’re a fantastic ornament but also have a multidude of uses. Primarily those who want to work hard and get on can put their loose change in it. Once they realise the money adds up they may stop squandering it on booze and 50″ plasma TV’s. It’s a sort of piggy bank if you like but we thought better of the piggy idea.”
“We understand that some poor people have indoor toilets so they might not need to actually ‘piss’ in them but if we’re going to get serious about fighting poverty we’ve got to make sure that they at least have the option. Nobody will be able to say they don’t have a ‘pot to piss in’ under the next Conservative administration.”
The policy has been heavily criticised by opposition parties, with a spokestim for the Liberal Democrats saying;
“This is an affront to people living in poverty. They don’t want trinkets, they want to feed their families and smoke the occasional bifter. What are they supposed to do with it? Use it for begging when they’re sanctioned? Mr. Green is really out of touch on this one. Wrong type of pot.”
The pots are expected to cost a staggering £2.8 billion which will be raised by further cuts to disability benefits.