The recent heat wave has meant that part-time riders and fair weather Valentino Rossi wannabes are venturing into the garage to wheel out their overpowered, underused motorcycles into daylight.

This bi-annual phenomenon coincides with what healthcare professionals and organ donation services call ‘goldrush week’, in which hundreds of organs such as kidneys, hearts and other tissues will suddenly see a rapid influx into available donation list for transplant surgeries.

Organ donor Peter Turco said “today is perfect for me to get out on the Honda CB1000R and give the hills around Rivington a good tanning. I assume the council has kept the roads in good nick over winter, filling up pot holes and the like, so it’ll be perfectly smooth and ready for me to go flying in to blind bends at break neck speed.”

Organ donor Patrick Whitaker said “On a day like this Cagers (car drivers) know that us motorcyclists are out, so they fully expect to turn into a bend and suddenly be faced by me and my mates on the wrong side of the road with our knees down; which is lucky, cause if they didn’t, we’d probably end up as a new bonnet ornament.”

Though this hot weather is enjoyed universally by all motorcyclists, full-time commuter motorcyclist James Harris has serious reservations about heading out today;

“I’ve been riding through the rain, snow and wind of the winter, I’m highly skilled and know these roads and my bike as if they were an extension of myself. These fair weather riders haven’t ridden since last october, yet they’ll come out guns blazing without so much as checking their tyre pressure. Even worse are the t-shirt and trainers riders, who obviously haven’t experienced the sensation of sliding across the road before. It’s madness; I just hope no-one gets hurt.”

“Then again, my aunt needs a new pancreas, so sod it, if some daft git on a ZZR1400 decides to take a 180mph nose dive over the side of the Cat and Fiddle pass, at least she’ll be sorted for summer.”

19th century vegetable highwayman/ satirist. Likes: the sound of a solitary house fly loitering hectically around his ear and the feeling of a warm toilet seat. Favourite topic: writing about political intrigue involving biscuits.