14.8 C
Rochdale, UK
Riot Police

Corner shop owner lynched by mob in Rochdale after caught selling Yorkshire Tea

Marge Riley, 74, was confronted by an angry mob of local residents who objected to her display of Yorkshire Teas. “I just wanted to give my regulars something a little exotic, so I got some...

Monty Python Parrot cleared fit for work by ATOS

The famous Monty Python Parrot was cleared for work this morning following a work capability assessment interview.

Rochdale council urge residents to help alleviate flooding

Rochdale council have taken the unusual step of issuing a plea for help from residents, especially those further out of town to leave their taps on over night to help lower the risk of...

Child taken from mother after being forced to live as a Tory

A seven-year-old boy from Rochdale who had been "living life entirely as a Tory" has been taken from his mother's care following a High Court judge's ruling. Mr Justice Borlax said the mother had caused...
Rochdale

Violent scenes erupt in Rochdale

Violent scenes today in Rochdale as the public demonstrated their extreme anger that Honey G remains in the X Factor, while genuinely talented people haven't bothered with the career ending puppet show. The violence was focused on...
Hippies Hippy

Sheffield Tree Protestors Charged With Doing Nothing Illegal Are Freed

Two lovely blokes who were recently charged with doing absolutely nothing illegal by the dark forces of South Yorkshire police and Sheffield Council were celebrating their freedom yesterday. Simeon Cramp and Calvin Hobbes, who frequently...
Tree lined street

Sheffield Tree-Felling Councillor Hospitalised With Irony Overdose

It has been revealed that Clr Brian 'Hodge' Podge, the Sheffield Councillor responsible for the hugely unpopular street tree felling programme, was rushed to hospital yesterday. Sheffield Council is Labour controlled and Labour Councillor Podge...

Homeless man turns life around after being told to ‘get a job’

53 year old Gulf war veteran, Ian Stapleton, had been living rough on the streets of Manchester for the last seven years. The heroic soldier ended up homeless and turned to alcohol after his marriage...
Flat earth map

Sheffield Council Declare Majority Of Citizens Think The World Is Flat.

Sheffield Council has been forced to declare their belief in a flat earth after applying the same statistical analysis to a recent on-line poll of a group of Sheffield residents on the shape of...

Danczuk Less Popular than standing in dog shit

Here at the Herald we've seen numerous "news" sources state that Britain's answer to Donald Trump has considerable support amongst Labour Party members. We somehow doubted this given the list of reasons why he's unfit...

Christmas Miracle declared after BMW driver regains sight after parking in disabled spots

A Christmas Miracle has been declared after a disabled man was completely cured after parking his BMW across two handicapped parking bays at Rochdale Waitrose.

Sheffield councillors flummoxed By Spade and Pick Conundrum

Sheffield councillors visiting a street improvement site were utterly bamboozled when contractors lined up three spades against a wall and invited the councillors to 'take their pick'. Councillor Bryan Dodge, Cabinet  Member For Generating Profit...

Topless Danczuk in topless holiday prison catfight scandal

The owner of a Villa in Alicante is said to be furious after discovering the Danczuk's had been holidaying in his property. Simon Danczuk, God bothering pornography enthusiast, creative accountant, serial text pest and part-time...
Farage in Russian hat

Farage exposed as Russian “mole”, according to Rochdale medium

Rochdale medium Mrs Isadore Goggins today revealed that Nigel Farage is a Russian mole bent on destroying the UK, the EU and the US.  The news was revealed to her, she claims, by Richard Whiteley's spirit during...

US Government admits covering up red alert over imminent asteroid impact

Scientists and Government sources have confirmed that the giant asteroid, 2016-FI is on course to strike the Northern Hemisphere after initial uncertainty about it's trajectory. The news was first reported by California's Yackler Observatory...

Police called after man without tattoo spotted in Rochdale town centre

There was a commotion on Drake Street in Rochdale this afternoon as crowds of people gathered from all corners of the town to gaze in bewilderment at a man going about his day in...

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