Saudi Women win right to be dumped by text

In a landmark ruling in Saudi Arabia women have finally won the right to be dumped by text message. The victory follows the incredible shift...
Blackhole

Physicists discover Brexit actually a black hole that feeds on political parties

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The astrophysics world has been in overdrive this week at the announcement of a newly discovered black hole located somewhere over the English Channel. The...

Local Man PROMISES he’s only drinking Strongbow Dark Fruit ‘because it’s sunny’

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A local man has insisted that he doesn't normally drink Strongbow Dark Fruit, but when it's sunny outside 'everybody does it'. Usually opting for an...
London Marathon

Confusion and Discomfort as Marathon forces Londoners to support and talk to one another

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Mass confusion ensued at the London Marathon today, as London dwellers cast off their stony facades and began to talk to one another. 'I started...

Panic grips nation as Britain realises Boris is in charge

Supermarkets across the land are fast running out of canned goods and bottled water and survivalist websites across the world are crashing as thousands...

Thomas Cook passengers choosing ride share with refugees rather than Ryanair

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Thomas Cook, one of the world's oldest travel providers has gone into liquidation, meaning thousands of job losses and over a hundred thousand holidays...

Harry and Meghan to take holiday from going on holiday

The palace has revealed this morning that plans are in place to give the Duke and Duchess of Sussex a well deserved break from...
Macron & Johnson

Emmanuel Macron meets Boris Johnson to tell him to fuck off in person

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Following a hectic fortnight of being booed in Scotland, Northern Ireland, Wales and the children's ward in a Cornish Hospital, Prime Minister Boris Johnson...

Beards officially still cool – says man with beard 

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It's the news every streetwise hipster has been waiting for and today a man from London has confirmed that beards are still the must...
Santa with presents

Big Fat Secret Santa Appeal – 2,329 Gifts bought in four days

Four days ago we launched our Big Fat Secret Santa appeal with the wonderful guys and girls at NewsThump, Southend News Network, Angry People...

Britain buoyed by approval of Autumn Olympics

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There were wild scenes of celebration from keen athletics fans up and down the UK this morning, as the head of the Seasonal Olympics...
Queen and Philip

Queen’s speech delayed for halal vellum

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"The ritualistic slaughter of goat is an essential pre-requisite for planned legislation in a parliamentary democracy." So said a spokesperson for 10 Downing Street...

“It’s time to take back control”, writes The Queen

7
One's elected representatives are a complete shambles, One writes. One will not invite any of the proffered candidates to form a government. Instead one...
Scientists

‘How many roads must a man walk down before he can call himself a...

Researchers have proved that the number of roads a man must walk down before you call him a man is greater than, or equal...

Nigel Farage rumoured to replace Nigel Farage as UKIP leader

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Nigel Farage's successor will be announced at UKIP's Bournemouth conference tomorrow but a party insider has let slip that his replacement will be Nigel...

Goldie melts down OBE to replace pawned gold tooth

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DJ and alleged actor, Goldie, has vowed to melt down his MBE under the guise of moral outrage about some club somewhere closing down. The...

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