Daily Mail Readers

Panic over as Daily Mail assures everyone the fridge wasn’t bought by a white...

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The Mail-online has sought to reassure readers that it was a slack-jawed, lazy, drunken black man who bought the fridge that started the Grenfell...
Smiling woman

Woman appalled by Alabama abortion laws ‘sort of aware’ of Northern Ireland

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LLocal woman Mia Wombley has been telling everyone she knows about the horrendous new legislation in Alabama.  Local senators, duelling their banjo strings, have...
Couple with dog

Season your pets before leaving them in a hot car

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do With temperatures hitting 30°C across the nation, dog owners have been warned to pay special attention to their four legged friends. Each year the RSPCA...
Queen and Philip

Queen’s speech delayed for halal vellum

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"The ritualistic slaughter of goat is an essential pre-requisite for planned legislation in a parliamentary democracy." So said a spokesperson for 10 Downing Street...

Beards Not Cool After All

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24 hours after we exclusively revealed that beards were still cool, the International Facial Hair Council has declared that beards are no longer the...
Sadiq Khan

Sadiq Khan cracks down on junk food ads as thinner children harder to stab

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Mayor plans to ban junk food adverts from Transport for London. Mayor of London, Sadiq Khan, today announced a plan to ban junk food adverts...
Britain First

Far Right groups threaten to tear down statues of Prophet Mohammed

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Far right groups have pledged to tear down all statues of the Prophet Mohammed following the recent scoop in the Daily Express that the...

Spain v Russia VAR officials wives and children released from captivity

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Members of the VAR officials team for the Russia V Spain game have been speaking of their joy at being reunited with their families again. The...

Conservatives to trial ‘career houses’

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The new Secretary of State for Work and Pensions, Damien Green, unveiled the plans earlier today in parliament. The policy, which will see families currently...

Windsor council workers sledging to work on frozen homeless people

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Councillors in Windsor have been seen sledging using the frozen bodies of homeless people. One told us, "The council wanted them all removed for the...

Cat who shit in litter tray lined with Daily Mail appointed editor

A cat who took a poo in a litter tray lined with a copy of the Daily Mail has been named as new editor...

Rochdale Exchange in disabled parking shake up

The Rochdale Exchange shopping centre has announced new plans for disabled parking at their 800 space multi-storey car park, The Rochdale Herald can reveal. "We're...
Scientists

‘How many roads must a man walk down before he can call himself a...

Researchers have proved that the number of roads a man must walk down before you call him a man is greater than, or equal...

Catholic Priests in Ampleforth School Kiddy Fiddling Shocker

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In shock revelations that will shake the Roman Catholic Church to its very foundations, stories are emerging alleging child sex abuses and so called...
New Year Eve Party

Do we really, really, really have to go out, asks everyone

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Everybody in the UK has collectively asked if they really, really, really have to go out now that they've gone through the fun bit...

Five Guys make creamy mess all over Nigel Farage

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A fresian of excitement has gripped Newcastle over the last few days, with the news that Nigel Farage would be visiting. The Brexit Party...

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