Cabinet to wear face masks during Cobra meeting as precaution against Coronavirus
The prime minister and senior members of the cabinet are to wear full face masks during today's Cobra meeting to decide whether to bring...
The Rochdale Herald’s top 10 tips for hating Meghan Markle
The Daily Mail and The Daily Express have today announced that Britons will be expected to devote as much as 14 hours a day...
Rochdale RHS Britain in Bloom judges catch a Bellsprout
Members of the RHS (Royal Horticultural Society) were visiting Rochdale this week as part of the judging of the North West in Bloom competition.
Each...
For Fuck’s Sake, sighs Britain
The entire United Kingdom muttered "for fuck's sake" in unision yesterday afternoon after learning that Boris Johnson has been "elected: new Conservative leader and...
Jesus slammed for not following government advice after going out and getting hammered
A 33 year old man from Galilee has been criticised by the GNP, Greater Nazareth Police, after reportedly having a massive dinner party with...
Rochdale woman not ready to tell friends she’s “OK thanks, bbz”
A Rochdale woman today refused to confirm whether she was alright or not, following a passive aggressive cry for attention on Facebook.
The woman, 32...
Israel launches airstrike on anti-semitic moon after spacecraft crash
The first privately funded mission to the moon has had an apparent failure resulting in a crash.
The Israeli spacecraft called Beresheet had been sent...
10 injured after multi trolley pile up in dash to newly opened til at...
Reports are coming in that there has been a serious collision at Middleton Lidl. It is believed the carnage was a result of an inexperienced...
Conservatives to trial ‘career houses’
The new Secretary of State for Work and Pensions, Damien Green, unveiled the plans earlier today in parliament.
The policy, which will see families currently...
Leave voters incensed as EU threatens to take away Continental summer weather
Leave voters voiced their anger today as the EU threatened to take away the Continental weather that sees England baking in sunshine and heat...
Rupert Murdoch’s face breaks ageing app
Media tycoon and ancient demonic scrotum, Rupert Murdoch has broken viral photo editor FaceApp, attempting to see what his face would look like in...
‘It’s pronounced KWINAH, you pretentious f*ckwits’ confirms Quinoa
Middle class consumers were left reeling today after one of the much beloved 'super foods' they incessantly extol the virtues of confirmed that everyone...
Local Man PROMISES he’s only drinking Strongbow Dark Fruit ‘because it’s sunny’
A local man has insisted that he doesn't normally drink Strongbow Dark Fruit, but when it's sunny outside 'everybody does it'.
Usually opting for an...
Chris Evans to host new BBC bake off show
Red headed billionaire Christopher Evans has been confirmed as the new host of the Beeb's brand new baking show designed to take the place...
Entire Tory Party arrested in clampdown on middle class cocaine users
The Conservative Party is facing a huge crisis today after its entire membership was arrested during a clampdown on middle class cocaine users.
PC Drug-Bust...
Anne Widdecombe symbolically frees her slave
Following her first speech in the European Parliament, we have avoided the term 'maiden speech' as all her speeches are maiden, Anne Widdecombe has...
