Vazeline Intensive Care

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Labour MP Keith Vaz, who recently quit as Chair of the Home Affairs Select Committee is claimed to have claimed that there was nothing...
Interrogation

Torture works say fictional super villains and Donald Trump

2
Unnatural freaks, social outcasts and fictional horror characters are lining up to support President Trump's assertion that "torture works". "I've racked my brains to find...
Putin Trump

Trump and Putin plan the partition of Poland

5
It’s been revealed that American President Donald Trump and Russian President Vladamir Putin have agreed to partition Poland between their two countries. Both leaders...

Modern slavery greatest evil, says woman who supports unemployed working for free

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Theresa May has announced that the worst thing in the world, after Trump's hair and Boris Johnson's gob, is modern slavery. Millions will...
Michael Gove

We’re nothing like Michael Gove, insist Weasels

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Weasels are up in arms at being compared to Michael Gove after reading an article in The Telegraph today that speculated that he may have "weaselled" his way into Theresa May's cabinet.

Brexit transition period ends when the EU says it ends, says Philip Hammond

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The Chancellor Philip Hammond offered much needed clarity on the government's Brexit project today, by confirming it will enter a transition period which will...

Westminster fury as MPs told six week wait to process expenses claims

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There were raucous scenes at Westminster yesterday as several MPs were advised that a new system for processing expenses meant a six week wait...
Postman

Postmen refuse to empty post boxes as ‘there could be anything in there’

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Postmen across the country are refusing to open and empty letter boxes after being led to believe they could contain anything including bank robbers...

Outrage as Trump BBQ ruins White House lawn

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White House officials were said to be furious today after Trump supporters burned a cross on the South Lawn last night. The BBQ, which was...

Stop being rebellious formerly rebellious Labour rebel tells rebellious Labour rebels

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The formerly rebellious Labour rebel, Jeremy Corbyn, has told rebellious Labour rebels to stop being rebellious or else.
Houses of Parliament

New dress code requires MPs to wear oven gloves in Parliament at all times

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The UK Parliament's Committee on Standards has announced plans to require all male MPs to wear oven gloves whenever they attend the building. The Committee...

“Messiah” Corbyn Denies Anti-Semitism as Links to ‘People’s Front of Judea’ Emerge

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Jeremy Corbyn was today forced to again deny claims of Anti-Semitism after it emerged that he had "strong links" to the Palestinian terrorist organisation...

New UKIP leader having hypnotherapy to stop him saying “I’m not a racist, but”...

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UKIP’s press officer Ms Gline Garafe reassured a nervous nation today but stating that UKIP’s new leader is undergoing hypnotherapy to stop him saying...

Dirty Danczuk disappoints again

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Weary Rochdale let out yet another groan of despair after yet more revelations of the serial text pest and pornography enthusiast Simon Danczuk's sex...

Private rail company owner and Blairite totally unbiased about Traingate

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Lord Sir Baron Richard Branson said today that claims that he has it in for rail nationalisation enthusiast Jeremy Corbyn are unfounded. The gazillionaire, famous...

CABINET RESHUFFLE – Boris Johnson becomes Health Secretary

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Theresa May's eagerly anticipated cabinet reshuffle has begun. In what some would describe as "a bit of a surprise", the former Mayor of London and...

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