Mexico Offers to Purchase Channel Tunnel Following Brexit

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A Mexican conglomerate has offered to purchase the Channel Tunnel when Britain formally leaves the European Union. Juan Tunnelsunda, CEO of Tunnels 2 US, a...
Paul Nuttall

Bottoms up for Nuttall

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In an unprecedented move, UKIP leader and shampoo user of the year 2008, Paul Nuttall, has finally come clean about his much debated past. "Now...
We're all going to die

We’re all going to die after Brexit, confirms Philip Hammond

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Remain voters around the country are said to be absolutely furious to learn that every single person who voted to remain in the European...

High Court Judge gives blow job to Brexit

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Theresa May's assertion that "Brexit means Brexit" has been met with a blow with a reply of "Democracy means Democracy" by the high court...

EU offers bribe of better UK weather if we remain

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The European Union, desperate for the UK to remain, have said that the proposed European Standard Weather system due to come into operation early...
Government

Government advises British Gas Customers to follow their example and burn bridges for fuel...

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Most U.K. bridges are built or stone and iron. This will mean a boom to hardware retailers as Britons rush to stop up on pickaxes and wheelbarrows in order to carry their winter fuel allowance home.

Pound hitting 8 year low nothing to do with Brexit Professor at University of...

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Professor Cliff Edge has been quick out of the blocks today to reassure the public that the pound hitting an eight year low against...

UKIP corruption proves EU corruption say UKIP

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Documents leaked to Sky News showing that, should results be confirmed, UKIP have been misappropriating EU cash prove that the EU is dodgy, claimed...

Tories to abolish hospital parking charges by abolishing hospitals

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The Tory Party has today promised to abolish hospital parking charges by abolishing hospitals. Tory manifesto spokesman, Bill Board told us, "We've done our research...
Houses of Parliament

New dress code requires MPs to wear oven gloves in Parliament at all times

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The UK Parliament's Committee on Standards has announced plans to require all male MPs to wear oven gloves whenever they attend the building. The Committee...
Dunkirk

EU promises Dunkirk style flotilla to rescue nationals from UK “BREXKRIEG”

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The European Commission has confirmed that it has prepared plans to launch a Dunkirk style flotilla to rescue EU nationals in the event that...
Theresa May

Teresa May to trigger Brexit after finding Shergar

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Teresa May has finally announced her cabinet's decisive plan to trigger article 50 reminding Brexit voters that it is still "on her to do...

Brexit voters furious at a British Court today

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Brexit voters today were unsure who to be furious at today after a British Court as opposed to a European Court made a decision about the nature of British Parliamentary Sovereignty.
Angela Merkel

Merkel Pulls Out of EU Security Council Talks as There’s No German Word for...

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Angela Merkel broke off talks with the EU's British Security Commissioner this week that were about the worsening crisis affecting the free movement of people.
EU

EU condemns punchy politics

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After events today the EU has made an announcement about violent behaviour. Guy Verhofstadt, famous both for having a mouth like a vending machine and...
Boris Johnson

‘Shit dont stick to this, fam’ says Boris Johnson

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Non-stick coating manufacturer Teflon has today announced a lucrative tie in with Foreign Secretary Boris Johnson. The company is believed to have lined up an...

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