Business

Labour lose 30 seats in boundary adjustment, laugh Tories

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The Conservative Party and the conservative government have denied that the electoral boundary change proposals are an attempt to ensure a Conservative advantage. "It's just...
Man with lizard face

Britain First Announces Pact With Lizard People

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Britain First, the right-wing political party for twats of all ages, has announced a revolutionary partnership with The Lizard People, a secretive reptilian group of aliens...

Trump to brave Muslim controlled no go area during UK Visit

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Despite the advice of Fox News commentator, Steven Emerson, advisors to Donald Trump have said that there is a strong possibility that the so-called...

David Cameron In Shock After Key Attack On Shed

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A member of the radical far left group Momentum is in custody this evening after apprehension following keying of the paintwork on David Cameron's...

Sun exposes Cable as Strawberry fool

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Liberal democrat leadership candidate "SIR" Vince Cable has been left looking a plum strawberry fool after his claim that Britain was running out of...
Mark Garnier

What’s wrong with asking your secretary to buy you a dildo, asks complete dildo

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The king of Dildos and soon to be former International Trade Minister Mark Garnier is to investigated over a potential breach of the ministerial code after he admitted to asking a former parliamentary aide to buy him a dildo
Hang the Tories

Corbyn sharing platform with people he disagreed with to create peace, says man in...

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A man who is wearing a t-shirt that reads "Hang the Tories" is insisting that Jeremy Corbyn is an example to everybody for his...
Boris Johnson

Oven ready chicken refuses to leave fridge

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Despite professing for weeks that he was much more oven ready than 'that Turkey Corbyn', the world's largest chicken has refused to leave a...
Boris Johnson Football

Gareth Southgate fields Boris in goal for Brexit bill penalty shoot out against Merkel’s...

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This morning's news that the tussle over the Brexit divorce bill will be decided with a winner takes all penalty shoot out between England...

Theresa May to win Brexit by sitting on her chair at low tide at...

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Boris Johnson, Michael Gove, Jacob Rees-mogg and Owen Patterson have volunteered to carry May’s throne to the shoreline for her, before setting it in the sands and retreating so May can take her seat. She will then start screaming at the sea.
Hippies Hippy

Nobody arsed about Green Party Manifesto leak

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Last night a draft of Labour's election manifesto was leaked leading to pro Brexit outrage paper, The Daily Mail, drawing comparisons between Labour's proposed policies and...
Theresa May

May convinced she needs one more f*cking slogan to convince country to back austerity

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The Prime Minister is said to be personally convinced another f*cking slogan will convince the entire country to back austerity. Catchphrases repeated to the point...

Interest Rates Dropped From Naff All to Sweet FA

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Bank of England catastrophe juggler, Mark Carney, made no change to interest rates this lunchtime. Rochdale savers wondering exactly what this means have had things...
David Davis

David Davis-Brexit Speech in full

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In a monumentous speech to the House of Commons yesterday, the Brexit Minister David Davis set out the government's plans for taking Britain out...

HS2 to be built by immigrants

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The government is expected to reveal plans to admit up to two thousand migrant workers from the Calais Jungle to help construct  HS2. Prospective workers...
Running

DUP explains kneecapping naughtier than running through wheat field

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Talks between the Conservatives and the DUP are said to be ongoing as the PM desperately tries to cobble together a slim working majority...

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