hand written notes

Trump apologises for misreading email.

1
President Donald J. Trump has apologised for misreading an email which has led to some bizarre policy announcements in the last few days. The President was...

If anyone is going to offer stable leadership it’s us, say bolted horses

0
Bolted horses around the UK have taken to social media to suggest that they could provide better leadership than Theresa May.
Theresa May

May: Difference between migrants and refugees is we don’t want either

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Theresa May has said that refugees should settle in the first safe country they come to, rather than travel through several countries, and has...
Ivanka and Donald Trump

Donald Trump ends democracy in America

22
I’ve decided Ivanka will come after me. I mean, she’s hot, and she has my gift with politics, so she’s the perfect choice

Owen Smith has beaten off 1,200 young boys – says Owen Smith

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Owen Smith has caused another Labour controversy in parliament after beating off hundreds of boys in an attempt to pull his wife. Mr. Smith told...
Houses of Parliament

Government exempts itself from report on racism

4
The Government quickly moved to exempt itself from the report released yesterday which found major inequalities on racial grounds in UK organisations. Speaking without...
Westminster

Voters must provide family coat of arms as ID insists government

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The government has been accused of the suppression of voters' rights after plans to introduce compulsory checks of a family coat of arms for...
Mark Garnier

What’s wrong with asking your secretary to buy you a dildo, asks complete dildo

0
The king of Dildos and soon to be former International Trade Minister Mark Garnier is to investigated over a potential breach of the ministerial code after he admitted to asking a former parliamentary aide to buy him a dildo

Nick Clegg and the Rise of the Alt-Righteous

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The Alt-Righteous, or Always Terribly Self-Righteous, are a loose group of people claiming uber-liberal ideologies but with somewhat different behaviours. They vehemently reject mainstream opinions...

Paul Nuttall Claims June 8th Ballot May be Rigged

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Paul Nuttall, temporary leader of UKIP, faced calls to stand down this morning from the establishment after commenting on the upcoming general election. Speaking to...

Britain leaves E.U. in last night’s dress and no tights

3
At 6.30 this morning, Britain hailed a taxi while attempting to wipe off the worst of last night's make-up, confident in the knowledge that...

Tony Blair ego in critical condition after found clinging to Brexit controversy in Atlantic

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After being lost for several months following his exile from the UK, Tony Blair's ego has been found clinging desperately to a Brexit controversy...

Dig for Victory, says Corbyn facing Brexit economic doom

1
Jeremy Corbyn, leader of the opposition and the second coming Jesus Christ our Lord and Saviour, has set about his first week back in...

Theresa May to rebrand Conservatives as People’s Front of Judea to present united front...

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Many alternative names were considered. The United Front of Judean People. This was taken unfortunately by a group lead by David Davis and Sajid Javid. Splitters!

Rochdale DFS Sale has finally ended

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Rochdale DFS announced the first end of a sale for a decade after running out of sofas yesterday. DFS customers in Rochdale are expected to...

Green Party suffers rectal prolapse over Swansea Tidal Lagoon go ahead

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News of the go ahead for the green energy scheme at Swansea Tidal Lagoon has set heads spinning in Right On Brighton Pavilions today. "I’ll...

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