Car bombs not as bad as nicking stationery insists Martin ‘I’m a politician’ McGuiness

4
Former number three in the Irish presidential election Seamus Martin Pointa McGuinness has resigned from his position as Deputy First Minister of Northern Ireland. The...
Theresa May

Theresa May’s Rituals

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"Theresa May is signalling distress." Dr. Maca Damia comments, viewing photos of the Prime Minister kneeling by the road just inside Wales. "Do you see...
Boris Johnson

‘Shit dont stick to this, fam’ says Boris Johnson

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Non-stick coating manufacturer Teflon has today announced a lucrative tie in with Foreign Secretary Boris Johnson. The company is believed to have lined up an...

Dead refugees welcome say Home Office

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Refugees will be welcome to Great Britain providing they are dead, under a new scheme announced by the Home Office. The new measures, expected to...

Steve Bannon Torn Over Best Way To F*ck The Disabled

1
Following reports that Donald Trump will no longer repeal an Executive Order protecting LGBT rights, White House insiders have revealed that his Chief Strategist,...

David Duke retracts Trump endorsement saying no room for “locker room banter” in politics

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In sensational news today David Duke, the former head of the Ku Klux Klan, has withdrawn his support for Republican Presidential Candidate Donald Trump.

Senior Tories Pledge To Eat Less

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In response to UNICEF’S report today forecasting child starvation in 2017, senior Tories have pledged to eat less. Peasant. Goose. Equine tartare and literally millions...

Nuttall Calls For Ban On Dwarfism

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UKIP leader Paul Nuttall has caused outrage today by Issuing a call for a ban on dwarves and "midgets and really just anyone suspiciously...
Boris Johnson

Ed Millibland defeated again at PMQ’s

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Leader of the Opposition, Boris Johnson, once again tore into Mr. Millibland's 'weak' and 'out of touch' Government. Since successfully leading the remain campaign in...

May To Choose Baby To Kiss During Campaign By Enforced National Raffle

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Downing Street announced today that all families in the U.K. which include one or more infants are to be issued with a special raffle...

David Cameron In Shock After Key Attack On Shed

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A member of the radical far left group Momentum is in custody this evening after apprehension following keying of the paintwork on David Cameron's...

Doctors find hating immigrants can increase risk of getting Nuttalls

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Recent medical studies have found a direct link between xenophobic thoughts and the rampant outbreak of Nuttalls in the U.K. Closely resembling a haemorrhoid, a...
Iceberg

Massive Iceberg applies for EU membership

5
In a shock development following its breakaway from Antarctica, the giant iceberg has applied for membership of the EU. A hastily formed government led by...
Protestors

Democratic Democrats protest against anti-democratic democracy

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Protesters smashed windows and turned violent in Oregon and a few other places last night. “Trump is anti-democratic!” yelled the crowd protesting against the man...

British businesses fat and lazy, says podgy bloke who does sweet FA for a...

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Liam Fox, who was sacked from the previous government for being a dodgy sod, has said that British businesses are fat and lazy and...
Dictionary entry for word "definition"

Revealed! What ‘Brexit’ means.

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After months of denying that 'Brexit' could be defined in terms of anything other than being 'Brexit', the Government has finally announced what, in...

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