The massive gap between the poorest peoples’ lot and the vomit-inducing wealth of the world’s richest isn’t really important, insist representatives for the world’s richest.

After Oxfam released details of the wealth gap and used the eight wealthiest billionaires as an example, claiming that the world’s eight richest are as rich as the entire poorest half, the richest of the rich got all salty and paid their think tanks to counter attack Oxfam.

“They should be focussing on trying to help the poor” said a spokesbutler for Institute of Economic Affairs- which doesn’t reveal where it gets its funding from, “instead of attacking the defenceless mega rich!”

Oxfam has been helping the poor since 1942, a fact that the IEA seems to have forgotten.

“Look, they aren’t in workhouses any more are they?” said Institute spokes-lackey Ben Tover, “I don’t see why poor people are still fucking moaning! Why can’t they just invest in stock like decent folks?”

Oxfam has released the report, to coincide with the World Economic Forum which sees the top politicians of the world gather to discuss how they can more efficiently fuck the majority of people over in order to make themselves and the super rich decadently comfortable.

“No! We’re creating wealth so it’ll trickle down and help everyone!” insisted a WEF spokesbot, “All the people here got where they are through hard work. Capitalism isn’t some kind of system where the majority create the wealth primarily for the profit of the richest… Oh, hold on. Yes it is. Well, glad I ain’t you then!”

The report is based on data supplied by Forbes and Credit Suisse. It shows that the wealthiest 1% have as much as the remaining 99% combined. It’s criticised by the rich because it includes students with huge debts amongst its poor. The rich argue that because some of them might one day be able to afford a house that the whole thing is inaccurate.

“We’re highlighting the massive inequality in society,” said a protester in Davos, where the gathering of posh bosses is taking place, “We hope that people might realise that this is all a great big con and the myriad bullshit reasons we see on the news for our woes- immigrants, benefit cheats etc.- are an irrelevance compared to this, a system that’s designed to mmmmff hmmmfffff geroff me! Mmmmmghf ngyew gnfnucking fbashrrdzz!Leggo!”

“I mean perhaps if the very rich paid a fairer amount of tax then perhaps the polarised extremism we’re seeing in politics wouldn’t happen,” said an Oxfam worker, “and if you know people got a reasonably decent wage. I know it’s a bit radical and that.”


Well, it’s not as if the next twenty years is going to see mass automation of pretty much every industry, leaving the vast majority up a diarrhoea canal with a punt-less raft or anything.

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When the aeons of war left the gods dead and the universe decimated, a single duck rose from the ashes and stood for justice and freedom! It wasn't me, that duck, but we look quite bit alike.