Former Remain campaigner and comedy Prime Minister impersonator Theresa May told the British people that it’s really important to stick to your principles shortly before sticking to somebody else’s principles and triggering the formal process to leave the European Union this afternoon.

“It’s extremely important that we stick to our principles” she told a press conference “unless you want to be prime minister, and I really, really want to be prime minister.”

Theresa May fought for the UK to Remain in the EU but promptly abandoned the principles that guided her to that position after seizing power in a bloodless coup.

“We must respect democracy and the rights of self-determination. Unless it’s about Scotland, then you can get stuffed.”

“We all know what happens when you give people a vote on something. You stop being Prime Minister and I really really don’t want that to happen.”

“Brexit means Brexit, unity, yadayadayada etc etc. No more voting. The people have spoken I’m the boss of you now. So there.” She added.

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Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.