Britain To Close Controversial Island Refugee Centre
Britain's oldest island refugee centre, Australia, is to be closed following reports of inhumane conditions and bonkers management.
The centre, set up in 1770, has...
Conservatives pledge ‘free pots’ for poor to piss in
In the latest Tory manifesto promise benefit claimants and people earning less than minimum wage are to be sent a free chamber pot.
Current Work and...
Boris Johnson evades detection to win 2020 season of Hunted
Using an impressive combination of stealth, sneakiness and bare-faced cheek, Prime Minister Boris Johnson has trounced both his opponents and his pursuers to claim...
A-Level students celebrate being just three years away from £30,000 debt and a zero-hours...
Students across the country celebrated today as they received the exam results needed to springboard them into a lifetime of insurmountable debt and soul-crushing...
Judge insists stabbing people is fine provided you’re rich and pretty
A Judge set a legal precedent today after ruling that stabbing someone is fine provided you are blonde, twenty four, have a posh name, great...
Walkers still putting cheese and onion crisps in wrong coloured bag
Walkers crisps have been told that they're putting cheese and onion crisps in the wrong coloured bag despite everyone knowing that they don't go...
Britain shows appreciation for NHS by funding it properly
Britain has decided to show its appreciation for the NHS by funding it properly.
The nation has made the decision that it doesn't matter...
You can’t trust a man with a beard says Daily Express
Corbyn is clearly trying to turn Britain into Soviet Russia, insinuate the media today after a leaked list of ideas described as a manifesto.
“Sounds...
Brexit Party candidate apologises for not wearing poppy on his Nazi uniform
Brexit Party candidate Graham Cushway has been forced to issue an apology after being spotted without a Remembrance Day poppy on his Luftwaffe uniform.
Mr...
Shock as Pudsey Bear arrested just one hour before Children in Need goes live
The BBC is in a state of chaos and panic this evening as they desperately scramble to find a replacement for Children in Need...
Josef Fritzl gets Knighthood in New Years honours
Austrian incest enthusiast, Josef Fritzl has been awarded a Knighthood in the New Years honours list. The list, released today recognises a range of...
Donald Trump congratulates Rochdale AFC on winning Superbowl
POTATUS, Donald Trump telephoned and congratulated Rochdale AFC on winning the Superbowl on Sunday night. Much to the surprise of club officials.
A club spokesman...
Man behind Anonymous turns out to be 13 year old boy from Rochdale
Fans of computer hacker extrordinaires and Internet fighters for justice, Anonymous, will be feeling very let down today with the news that the mastermind...
Burger King announce 126oz Presidential Milkshake for Trump visit
Popular scarfing establishment Burger King has announced a new super-sized 126 ounce milkshake, to be released on Jun 2nd in time for the visit...
Daily Mail editor spontaneously combusts in Syrian child refugee logic feedback loop tragedy
After recent conflicts of conscience for the Mail, yesterday's news headlines about a little boy from Aleppo in Syria has caused it to disappear...
In absence of dragons, brave knight slays thousands of poor, disabled and homeless
Albion; pleasant, fair and green
In the year of our Lord, 2020
Dragons were few and seldom seen,
Yet poor folk were a plenty
Though dragons were vanquished...
