Mary Berry to retire from television
With the news that The Great British Bake-Off is to move to Channel 4, host and national treasure Mary Berry has announced her retirement...
What time is it Mr Woolfe?
Steven Woolfe, a total barrister who serves as a legal adviser to hedge fund managers and bankers narrowly missed his chance to become replacement...
The Rochdale Herald’s top 10 tips for hating Meghan Markle
The Daily Mail and The Daily Express have today announced that Britons will be expected to devote as much as 14 hours a day...
Conor McGregor refuses to quit, offers Stephen Hawking a game of ‘da physics’
In a ground-breaking move, career punchist and all round feckin' lad Conor McGregor has revealed his plans to offer professor Stephen Hawking a game...
“Don’t worry, my government will soon be gone.” May reassures a worried public
Theresa May stood outside 10 Downing Street this afternoon to reassure an increasingly worried country that, "Don't worry, my government will soon be gone."
"It...
Harry and Meghan to take holiday from going on holiday
The palace has revealed this morning that plans are in place to give the Duke and Duchess of Sussex a well deserved break from...
Do we really, really, really have to go out, asks everyone
Everybody in the UK has collectively asked if they really, really, really have to go out now that they've gone through the fun bit...
Labour only six racial slurs from power spin doctors tell agitators
Following the suspension of the MP for Devon Anne Marie Morris from the Conservative Party for her "n@£$er in the woodpile" gaffe at London's...
Happy Ed Balls Day
You know that feeling: the kids rush into your room at some ungodly morning hour and excitedly demand to know, “Has he been? Has...
NHS admit to clicking ‘remind me later’ on McAfee update for seven years straight
NHS digital has come under fire from computer security professionals; as an investigation into yesterday's Malware virus has revealed NHS used McAfee and hadn't updated it...
Overpaid nurses treat Berkshire woman for injuries sustained pruning magic money tree
Medics at all major NHS hospitals in central London are on tenterhooks hoping to be the ones to treat a middle aged woman who...
Rupert Murdoch’s face breaks ageing app
Media tycoon and ancient demonic scrotum, Rupert Murdoch has broken viral photo editor FaceApp, attempting to see what his face would look like in...
You’re more likely to find nice top at car boot sale wearing blindfold than...
It turns out that you’re more likely to find something that fits if you close your eyes and dig around in a skip or the boot of a stranger’s car than at TK Maxx.
