Goalkeeper

Urinating Salford goalie earns whole side a place in England’s World Cup squad

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Almost the entire Salford lineup have been selected as part of England’s squad for next year’s World Cup, it has emerged. All the English...
Noel Edmonds

Man who says negativity causes cancer sues HBOS for fraud

0
A quiz show presenter who asked a cancer patient if it was possible his ill health is caused by your negative attitude has announced he...
Hippies Hippy

Cornwall in Crisis as more middle class hippies leaving than arriving since Brexit

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Cornwall is in crisis as studies show, for the first time in a generation, more middle-class old hippies are leaving than arriving. One local, Anni...

Christmas ad not Christian enough say non church going Christians

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The new Christmas advert from Tesco has caused outrage for its lack of overt Christianity, mainly from people who will go nowhere near a...
Doctor and Child

Autism definitely probably worse than polio, says anti-vax “professor”

4
Autism, a neurological developmental disorder, is definitely probably worse than polio, rubella and a host of other preventable diseases all but eradicated in the...
Boris Johnson Football

Gareth Southgate fields Boris in goal for Brexit bill penalty shoot out against Merkel’s...

1
This morning's news that the tussle over the Brexit divorce bill will be decided with a winner takes all penalty shoot out between England...
Pensioners

52% support euthanasia bill

0
The Government has been urged to hold a referendum on euthanasia following research that showed that 52% of voters would support the introduction of...
Tardis

Parallel dimension parking ‘trickier than it looks’ says new Doctor Who

In a shocking confirmation of what arseholes up and down the country have been saying for hours, the new Doctor has fucked it already...
Hospital

Salisbury hospital closes and two critically injured after being exposed to Jeremy hunt

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Salisbury hospital was closed today and 2 people are still critically ill today amidst extraordinary scenes said to be the result of Jeremy Hunt. The...
Trump

Boy Scouts of America deny meeting Donald Trump

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The Boy Scouts of America have issued a statement denying meeting Donald Trump. “It never happened. It's fake news folks.” The statement begins. “Only a sick,...

Tsunami threat issued for East coast of England after Yorkshireman does massive poo

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A Tsunami threat has been issued for the East coast of England after a man who hasn't had a shit for a week...
Jeremy Corbyn

Young people should not be ignored says old man ignoring young people

35
Jeremy Corbyn sought to reconnect with young people today over Brexit by sacking the last of the Remainers in the Shadow Cabinet for suggesting...

Dig for Victory, says Corbyn facing Brexit economic doom

1
Jeremy Corbyn, leader of the opposition and the second coming Jesus Christ our Lord and Saviour, has set about his first week back in...

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