Goalkeeper

Urinating Salford goalie earns whole side a place in England’s World Cup squad

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Almost the entire Salford lineup have been selected as part of England’s squad for next year’s World Cup, it has emerged. All the English...
Noel Edmonds

Man who says negativity causes cancer sues HBOS for fraud

0
A quiz show presenter who asked a cancer patient if it was possible his ill health is caused by your negative attitude has announced he...
Doctor and Child

Autism definitely probably worse than polio, says anti-vax “professor”

4
Autism, a neurological developmental disorder, is definitely probably worse than polio, rubella and a host of other preventable diseases all but eradicated in the...
Tardis

Parallel dimension parking ‘trickier than it looks’ says new Doctor Who

In a shocking confirmation of what arseholes up and down the country have been saying for hours, the new Doctor has fucked it already...
Pensioners

52% support euthanasia bill

0
The Government has been urged to hold a referendum on euthanasia following research that showed that 52% of voters would support the introduction of...
Hurricane

Trump ecstatic hurricane Harvey is bigger than every hurricane under Obama

69
Donald Trump says he's especially proud that Hurricane Harvey is bigger than any Hurricane President Obama presided over. In a speech he said, "Watched...

Rochdale cyclist says he’s right about earth being flat

0
A Rochdale cyclist has spent the entire week explaining to people he works with how he knows the Earth is flat. Carl Isles, cycles the...
Hospital

Salisbury hospital closes and two critically injured after being exposed to Jeremy hunt

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Salisbury hospital was closed today and 2 people are still critically ill today amidst extraordinary scenes said to be the result of Jeremy Hunt. The...
Rock Paper Scissors

Trump and Putin fail to beat each other in two hour long rock, paper,...

3
Presidents Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin met face to face for the first time in public yesterday and went for each other in a...

Tsunami threat issued for East coast of England after Yorkshireman does massive poo

0
A Tsunami threat has been issued for the East coast of England after a man who hasn't had a shit for a week...

Priti Patel congratulates Boris Johnson on arrival of 3001005789th baby boy

0
Priti Patel, Minister for whatever the heck it is she does has been one of the first Government Ministers to congratulate Boris Johnson and...

Dig for Victory, says Corbyn facing Brexit economic doom

1
Jeremy Corbyn, leader of the opposition and the second coming Jesus Christ our Lord and Saviour, has set about his first week back in...
Science Class

DUP pushes to rename school classes in ‘Science’ as ‘Magic’

0
There has been a legion of support for the move though, as it would spark pupil’s interest in the subject of science again.

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