Facebook servers crash after everyone announces they’re drinking Prosecco
Facebook couldn't be logged into earlier today after millions of people updated their statuses with things like;
"The Prosecco is open! You know what that...
God shows that he hates Cristiano Ronaldo and Argentina
God has revealed that he absolutely cannot stand Cristiano Ronaldo so he chose to favour Uruguay in yesterday's last 16 game.
God or, The Word...
Tsunami threat issued for East coast of England after Yorkshireman does massive poo
A Tsunami threat has been issued for the East coast of England after a man who hasn't had a shit for a week...
Facebook adds ‘I am drunk button’
Facebook has added an "I am drunk" button to the award winning range of useful buttons on your profile page.
The button will immediately quarantine...
Marvel say Super-Gonorrhoea ‘unlikely’ to feature in new Avengers movie
Marvel Studios have confirmed that there are currently no plans for the gonorrhoea 'superbug' to star in its next instalment of the Avengers franchise.
Referred to...
Jobs with street value of £25 million found in flat of immigrant scrounger
The recent drought of jobs for British citizens has been an ongoing concern. Tirelessly the DWP and businesses have been desperately trying to scramble...
Men in Rural England “Shitting Themselves” as Helen Titchener Walks Free
Men up and down the UK will now be sleeping with one eye open and replacing all the knives in the house with plastic...
Dentist warns that Halloween treats ages teeth of refugees
The spokesman for the Royal College of Dental Surgeons has issued a warning not to feed sweets to starving children.
London not centre of Universe say astronomers
In a shock announcement today, astronomers have come out and stated categorically that London is not the centre of the universe.
The BBC's face of...
Nationalisation doesn’t work, says firm making millions out of Privatisation
Business - Residents left worried by the collapse of Carillion and ensuing loss of local services have been given the news by local MP...
Overmortgaged Soft Southern Twats to buy entire North of England during next house price...
Public officials in the North of England are conducting secret emergency planning meetings in preparation for one of the largest migrations of people in...
Calm down love! Let me mansplain your research for you
Professor Eleanor Goodchild of the Cliff Claven Linguistics faculty at Rochdale Community University has published her findings on Male Answering Syndrome ('MAS').
The Herald's...
Issue I keep reminding everyone of hurting my reputation, says Cliff
Cliff Richard, the long term bachelor and non-nonce, who our lawyers remind us isn't gay either, has been talking to the tabloid newspapers about...
