“Leave scientists” confused by spoon
Leave the EU scientists found themselves stumped this afternoon when faced with a spoon.
They had previously been asked to identify a knife and a...
Nah, I said smashed through a field of weed fam, claims PM
There’s bare girl jobs and mandem jobs, you feel me?
“When’d all y’all start getting so disrespectful?” said Theresa May yesterday.
“Maybe it was that Lord...
Eating food causes cancer, says government scientist
This startling fact has now been scientifically proven and published in an official report. Restaurants will be forced to close after it was discovered...
Elon Musk to harness teenage angst as source of renewable energy
South African science lunatic & suspected wizard Elon Musk has turned his attentions to what he calls "mankind's greatest untapped resource".
A spokesperson for Mr...
‘GO HARD OR GO HOME’ Corbyn screams at Shadow Cabinet
Three Labour frontbenchers have been sacked and a fourth has resigned after voting for a Queen's speech amendment calling for Britain to remain within...
Dentist warns that Halloween treats ages teeth of refugees
The spokesman for the Royal College of Dental Surgeons has issued a warning not to feed sweets to starving children.
Love Island Special – John Terry sacks Agent after he asked to join “that...
John Terry, the legendary back door man and occasional footballer, has sacked his Agent after finding himself trapped in a 1 year contract at...
A new Pokemon Go addition announced today is the Govey
The rare Pokemon can be found near knife drawers and can be evolved from its natural Tory stage, to raging Racist Govenator stage to...
Ann Widdecombe suspended over Strictly sex abuse claims
Privy Councillor and former Tory MP Ann Widdecombe has been suspended from the Conservative Party after shocking claims of historical abuse and inappropriate conduct...
Theresa May ready to deny TV debate ever took place
The BBC and ITV are to defy Conservative Party wishes and air live debates between participating parties before the upcoming June election.
An inside source...
Shock News: Tyson Fury Tests Positive For Horlicks
The Rochdale Herald can exclusively reveal Tyson Fury was declared medically unfit to fight because he tested positive for Horlicks.
The IBF have banned Horlicks, a...
Labour urge supporters to vote Conservative to keep Liberal Democrats out of Power
The Labour Party general election campaign is said to be in tatters today following the release of the Liberal Democrat's Manifesto in the last...
‘Research confirms Coffee holds key to immortality’
There was good news for caffeine drinkers, addicts & nervous twitchers throughout the multiverse today, as stunning new research sensationally revealed that coffee holds...
Local Nun in record attempt to raise the roof
A local Nun from Sacred Heart Church in Rochdale could soon become famous for a world record attempt if, with the help of The...
Only two prime ministers till Christmas
Children around the UK were feeling giddy this morning after learning that it's now officially on two prime ministers until Christmas morning.
"I can almost...
What’s the fuss, I loved playing sardines with nanny
Boris Johnson has met Jeremy Corbyn's attack on the Conservative's record on education today with incredulity.
