Laura Kuenssberg is a parrot confirm scientists analysing Twitter
The BBC’s most insightful political journalist has been discovered to be a species of parrot and awarded a delightful new name today by natural...
Saudi Women win right to be dumped by text
In a landmark ruling in Saudi Arabia women have finally won the right to be dumped by text message.
The victory follows the incredible shift...
Shit sandwiches start to taste better after you have swallowed the first bite, David...
Following the Government's success in the Great Repeal Act, Brexit Secretary David Davies has moved to assure Parliament that the lingering taste of this...
Not enough young gay men commit suicide say arseholes in Anglican Synod
The utterly irrelevant small minded patronising pricks, bitches and utter arseholes in the Anglican Synod have said that not enough vulnerable young men kill themselves every year.
Big Mac Inventor’s funeral to be smaller than it looks in adverts
Michael "Jim" Delligatti, the man who invented the MacDonalds Big Mac burger (and apparently wasn't aware of what Jim is supposed to be short for) has died leaving people unsatisfied and feeling slightly ripped off.
Saudia Arabia to pick next UK defence secretary
Saudi Arabia moved swiftly to reassure the British people this evening that the resignation of Michael Fallon has not caught them by surprise and...
Electric shock therapy recharges your batteries, says sadistic boss
The boss of a Rochdale mobile phone tech support company, Globally Integrated Mobile Phone Solutions, has been telling the Herald how electric shock therapy...
Government to end NHS bed shortage by installing bunk beds
Health - A recent Government initiative has been announced to replace traditional hospital beds with bunk beds. This scheme was recently trialed in one...
‘No such thing as a moderate Muslim’ says right-wing extremist nut-job
John Rant, an out of work shopping trolley attendant and EDL member from Rochdale, has once again taken to social media to claim there...
There should be a free press like that Iranian TV channel I work for,...
Jeremy Corby has announced plans to shake up the media and make it more sympathetic to him and the Labour Party going forward.
The...
Met Office advise all future storms named Storm Boris until May gets the balls...
The Met Office has released a statement this lunch time advising that all storms to hit the United Kingdom this winter will be named...
World leaders tackle climate change with massive party and flights home on private jets
The world's elite gave their 100% commitment to climate change this Monday by having a colossal piss up then returning to all corners of...
Government announces new mascot for Brexit Will of the People
Brexit Minister, David Davis, today announced the launch of a new campaign which aims to give Britain's exit from the European Union a more...
Theresa May sanctioned by ATOS for missing Woman’s Hour Interview
The Herald has learned that Theresa May is facing sanctions by ATOS today after missing two job interviews in a row.
The soon to be...
Hollywood bimbo Gerard Butler says it never occurred to him that injecting bee venom...
Hollywood bimbo, Gerard Butler has been hospitalised with anaphylactic shock his agent has revealed.
Butler, injected 13 vials of bee venom in an attempt to...
Auschwitz could be next Centre Parcs if they just knock down the gas chambers
A Government official is alleged to have told an audience at a fringe event of the Conservative Party conference that Auschwitz could become a...
