Horse Racing

Rochdale tipster to tax the Bookies

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Horse racing journalists, tipsters, jockeys and even some dodgy-looking trainers are queuing up to apply for the Rochdale council's new Chief Executive of Betting...

Surprise as men who rigged Tesco milk prices also rigged share prices

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Three Tesco directors are in court on fraud charges. The food-fancying fanatic (alleged) fraudsters have, it seems, been cooking the books as well as...
NHS

Government re-brands NHS as Notional Health Service

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The government has announced plans to re-brand the National Health Service as the Notional Health Service. Jeremy Hunt MP, Secretary of State for Health, is...

Service improves slightly as RMT union goes on strike

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Thousands of commuters are experiencing slightly better service than normal this morning as members of the RMT union have gone on strike. "I knew my...

George Osborne admits he’s Banksy confessing “it was my first job”

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Evening Standard Editor George Osborne is rightfully popular with recruitment specialists but few people are aware of his first job as famous, mysterious street...
Hide an Seek

Theresa May wins coveted Parliamentary Cross Party Hide and Seek Trophy

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Prime minister Theresa May has won the 2017 Parliamentary Cross Party Hide and Seek Trophy ahead of stiff competition. "It was an incredible effort from...
Forcados

Bloke paid to piss off bull killed by pissed off bull

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A bloke whose job it was to piss off two tonne bulls managed to piss off a two tonne bull to the extent that...
Pram

Engineer designs pram that fits in boot of car

Rumours are circulating around the World's scientific community that the man who has designed a pram that fits in the boot of a car...

Issue I keep reminding everyone of hurting my reputation, says Cliff

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Cliff Richard, the long term bachelor and non-nonce, who our lawyers remind us isn't gay either, has been talking to the tabloid newspapers about...

Outcry as Moon to get 4G before Burnley

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There was protest in East Lancashire today, as plans by Vodafone & Nokia to launch a 4G mobile network on the lunar surface from...

Remainers lead campaign to remove warning labels from household chemicals and rerun Brexit referendum

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It's been revealed that remainers are leading a campaign to remove warning labels from household chemicals. It's believed that this is part of their...
Michael Gove

Thunderbird puppet with condom over his head to play Michael Gove in Brexit Movie

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Beating off a host of A-listers, producers have today announced that the starring role of Michael Gove in their upcoming blockbuster has gone to...

Trump insists the audience for his resignation speech will be bigger than Sean Spicers

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Donald Trump has insisted that the audience for Sean Spicers resignation speech will be miniscule compared to his own. Trump tweeted that, "Spicer was a...
Michael Gove

Man who treated voters as morons during Brexit confirms voters are still morons after...

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Potato face Michael Gove has claimed that voters could have some impact on the Brexit deal if they so wished. Gove, who famously involved himself...
Foodbank

Tories target youth vote by giving food bank users under 30 free Wham Bars

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The Conservatives hope to boost the number of young people applying for party membership by offering them a free Wham Bar every time they...

Dig for Victory, says Corbyn facing Brexit economic doom

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Jeremy Corbyn, leader of the opposition and the second coming Jesus Christ our Lord and Saviour, has set about his first week back in...

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