England football team looking forward to appearing in final of Celebrity Masterchef

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The English football team have confirmed that they're really looking forward to appearing on Celebrity Masterchef next week. Gareth Southgate said, "Our preparations are going...

Bono reveals that a Lithuanian shopping centre was what he was looking for

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U2 lead singer, Bono has announced that most of U2's songs are about his need to avoid tax. Bono is alleged to have told the...
Jeremy Corbyn

Jeremy Corbyn to lose seat under Tory boundary change plans

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Lord Reginald Foxhunter-Shandy said: "It's the biggest boundary shake up since the last one". The plans unveiled today will see Jeremy Corbyn lose his Islington...

Strangers raise over £170,000 to give to anyone

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A GoFundMe page was set up yesterday and has already raised over a £170,000 with all proceeds to someone. The page's founder, Simon Collins, said;...

Lord Sauron announces IOC leadership bid

In a move heralded as a new, cleaner era for the International Olympics Committee Lord Sauron announced announced his candidacy for the presidency of...

David Duke retracts Trump endorsement saying no room for “locker room banter” in politics

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In sensational news today David Duke, the former head of the Ku Klux Klan, has withdrawn his support for Republican Presidential Candidate Donald Trump.
Morrissey

Charles Manson was just a bit excitable claims Morrissey

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Mancunian pastry product Morrissey has upped the ante on his recent efforts to mitigate the minor fondlings of Kevin Spacey and Harvey Weinstein by...
Brian Cox

London not centre of Universe say astronomers

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In a shock announcement today, astronomers have come out and stated categorically that London is not the centre of the universe. The BBC's face of...
Businessman

Nationalisation doesn’t work, says firm making millions out of Privatisation

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Business - Residents left worried by the collapse of Carillion and ensuing loss of local services have been given the news by local MP...
Migration

Overmortgaged Soft Southern Twats to buy entire North of England during next house price...

15
Public officials in the North of England are conducting secret emergency planning meetings in preparation for one of the largest migrations of people in...
Meal or No Meal

Noel Edmonds widely criticised for presenting North Korean game show Meal or No Meal

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Noel Edmonds has denied allegations that he is due to present a North Korean take on Deal or no Deal called, Meal or no...

Spicer denies Flynn worked as National Security Advisor, Trump demands Flynn’s birth certificate

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The Trump administration has attempted to erase any indication that Michael Flynn, a retired U.S. General and former National Security Advisor for the administration, worked in...
Sad Man

Record complaints at Ofcom as latest episode of ‘Tits and Swords’ contains no tits

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Switchboards at UK TV regulators Ofcom were jammed last night after the eagerly anticipated first episode of the new series of Game of Thrones...

Supermarkets completely free of dickheads right now, for some reason

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Supermarkets across the country are reportedly completely dickhead free for the first time since 1990 according to sources. The complete absence of knuckle dragging fuckwits...

The Rochdale Herald’s Top Ten Tips for Real Supporters and True Football Fans

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In honour of signing world famous football man Neville Southall to the Rochdale Herald, here are our top ten tips for real supporters and...

X Factor Totally Not Fixed, Insists Producer Sepp Blatter

After accusations that contestant duo, The Brooks, have financial links to has-been Stock, Aitken and Watermelon product Sinitta and were also guaranteed success on...

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