Royal Mail

Royal Mail pledge to maintain the usual high levels of disappointing service this Christmas

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As the services for various popular companies comes into question, with Uber and Ryanair being prime examples, Royal Mail has promised not to let...

Cliff Richard still not a nonce confirms BBC

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Singer, God-botherer and long term bachelor for no particular reason is still not suspected of fiddling with young men, according to a BBC report. The...
UKIP

Dick Braine elected leader of Dicks for Brains

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Mr Braine was the favoured dickhead ahead of his predecessor, Gerard Batten, who resigned after Dicks for Brains' poor performance in the European elections...
Houses of Parliament

Government exempts itself from report on racism

4
The Government quickly moved to exempt itself from the report released yesterday which found major inequalities on racial grounds in UK organisations. Speaking without...
Boris Johnson

Loathsome Tory bastard calls for end to public sector pay cap

12
Boris Johnson has taken the lead in the call to end the public sector pay cap in response to the clear mandate delivered by...

Yahoo’s Head of IT Security asks Have you tried turning it off then on...

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The Global Head of IT Security for Yahoo has moved swiftly to support customers and dispel rumours of incompetence. VP of IT Security Brian Hodgkins,...
Lionel Richie

I’ve never danced on a ceiling, confession SHOCK

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Rumours are rife about the quite tall, big-faced singing star after he has "fessed up" to not dancing on ceilings. The 80's porkie-pie uttering...

Parents across the country prepare to encourage their kids to defy them

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Yes, it's that time of the year again, the nights are drawing in, there's a chill in the air and knob heads can't wait...
Bored Football Fan

Spurs reassure loyal fans with plan to be shit again by the weekend

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Tottenham Hotspur, commonly referred to simply as Tottenham, Spurs, or a word that you really can’t use in an article these days for fear...

Nigel Farage in eleventh hour bid for International Twat of the Year Award

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Nigel Farage has made an eleventh hour bid to snatch the "International Twat of the Year Award" from Donald Trump.

Spanish bullfighters win inaugural Animal Cruelty World Cup

Spain’s bullfighters have won the inaugural Animal Cruelty World Cup in Brazil, narrowly beating the foxhunters of England in the final. The competition, in...

Corbyn stands on box labelled Schrödinger’s jobs brexit at Labour conference

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The Labour conference in Brighton today will feature an entertaining diversion when national treasure Jeremy Corbyn takes to the stage and stands on a...
Theresa May Converse

Top Tories Converse to win yoof vote

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Prime Minister Theresa May today ditched her kitten heels and turned out to the Commons wearing a pair of Chuck Taylor black and white...

Smallbridge Flats Man Convinced Pigeon Likes to Watch him Hoover Naked

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While spending a good portion of his weekly income on the Euromillions, Mr. Garry Lee Shaw complained about the fifth or even sixth time...
Southern Rail

Southern Rail hire United Airlines CEO to improve customer service

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Sir Horton Brown, head of Southern Rail’s parent Go Ahead and Govia companies is to be replaced this week by the CEO of United...

Labour confirms 2018 party conference will be held in Mecca

54
The Labour Party has denied accusations of ‘Muslim appeasement’ at its annual conference in Brighton, after several eagle-eyed observers noticed that its conference banner...

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