Jeremy Corby has announced plans to shake up the media and make it more sympathetic to him and the Labour Party going forward.
The plans were announced today by the most glorious, principled, caring and honest politician that Britain is lucky to have. In fact, Nelson Mandela was asked what kept him going all those years he was in prison. He replied that it was the knowledge of Jeremy Corbyn’s existence. May the sun never set of Jeremy. Hail Dear Leader, hail.
A Spokesman said, “Jeremy hopes that these changes will preserve the freedom of the news media in this country. He has worked for Russia Today and Iranian national broadcaster, Press TV. In fact, the £20,000 he earned from appearing on Press TV paid for an extension on his huge house. There’s a real opportunity here to launch such smash hit shows like “Shut up, and listen to the Ayatollah.””
The plans were revealed amongst a raft of changes. One plan is to have the BBC declare the social class of everyone who works for it. Our source said, “That will make identifying the class enemies much easier. We could even have a show where these people are identified, tried and shot. It could replace Pointless.”
However, some people have dismissed this idea as fanciful. One person told us, “It’ll take them 5 years to argue over who is middle class. Then it’s going to be a bit difficult for them when they have to reveal to all these white, well off, middle class Momentum members that they’re going to need to be shot for the sake of the revolution. I can see that being problematic.”
Mr Corbyn has also announced plans to make tech giants pay more tax. Our Labour insider said, “We know how important this is. The Labour Party hasn’t paid any Corporation Tax for the last year so we need to make up the short fall somehow.”