The UN has today confirmed that anyone who says Nazis were socialist are to lose human status, joining holocaust deniers in the shortlist of ‘people’ that it would be deeply satisfying, and now legal, to cram into a concentration camp, torture, starve, gas and then make furniture out of their skin.

UN representative Anne Tifa explained the reason for the decision: “Anyone with even the understanding of history of an amnesiac goldfish and the common sense of a particularly stupid housefly could understand that the Nazis were nothing to do with socialism. It’s the sort of outright lie that can only be said with a straight face by mentally distorted far right goons.”

“Nazis were from their very inception characterised by violent attacks on the left. The name ‘socialism’ was in their party name solely because of political opportunism. The German state controlled the means of production to invade everyone, not redistribute wealth, and anyone who says otherwise, is a deluded c*ntbubble. This is particularly true, in light of the Nazi policy of suppression of labour rights.”

“The fact is that Nazis are characterised by the horrendously anti-social policies of extremist nationalistic jingoism, scapegoating minorities as a unifying cause, rampant militarism, sexism, suppression of workers’ rights, extreme obsessions with national security, crime and punishment, the protection of corporate power and suppression of education.”

She paused. “Actually, that all sounds a lot like America, doesn’t it?”