“Don’t worry, my government will soon be gone.” May reassures a worried public
Theresa May stood outside 10 Downing Street this afternoon to reassure an increasingly worried country that, "Don't worry, my government will soon be gone."
"It...
Patriots actually just thick twats scientists prove
Scientists at Rochdale's Community University have proven conclusively that people identifying themselves on social media as "Patriots" are actually just thick twats.
Trump gives world a ‘pearl necklace’ as withdrawal does not stop emissions
President Donald J. Trump will keep his promise not to come in the world’s mouth and insisted he would squirt his emissions onto the...
Khan To Rebuild Wall
Sadiq Khan, flanked by millions of people of various ethnic backgrounds who by and large couldn't give a flying shit where each other is...
David Duke retracts Trump endorsement saying no room for “locker room banter” in politics
In sensational news today David Duke, the former head of the Ku Klux Klan, has withdrawn his support for Republican Presidential Candidate Donald Trump.
Allegations 15,000 dick pics discovered on Boris Johnson’s Foreign Office issued mobile phone
The Foreign Office has denied allegations that a mobile phone issued to Boris Johnson when he was Foreign Secretary was found to contain 15,000...
Michael Gove has to be gripped by the head with tweezers to be removed...
The Assembly of Royal Veterinary Surgeons has issued guidance this evening on how to remove Michael Gove from British government.
"He has to be gripped...
Farron Accepts Offer of Education Secretary As May Offers Anti-Brexit Coaltion
Tim Farron spoke of his relief this evening as he accepted Theresa May's offer of a coalition government on the condition of an anti-Brexit...
Britain to hold referendum to decide whether we love or hate Marmite
Referendum fan Nicola Sturgeon has announced plans for a controversial referendum to decide once and for all if Britain loves or hates Marmite.
Parliament summoned for cross party reshuffle
An emergency cross party parliamentary meeting has been organised for 1:00pm today to try and resolve our broken political system.
With the Tories fighting each...
Senior Brexiter demands white York roses repainted Tudor rose for sake of national unity
A senior Brexiter has demanded that all of York’s white roses should be repainted as classic red and white Tudor roses for the sake...
Study finds 50% of working day spent pretending to give a fuck about co-workers’...
Over 50% of the average working day is taken up pretending to give a fuck about other people's children, according to new research.
A study...
Wars of the Roses to be Re-Run
10 Downing Street has this morning announced that The Wars of the Roses are to be re-fought via a referendum for each decisive battle.
It's...
New cold war looms as Trump aspires to make American prostitutes better than Russian...
Concern that America is falling behind Russia in the pay-for-sex industry was allayed last night after President Donald J Trump announced a new ‘hooker...
Trump thrilled crowds at his German rallies bigger than Obama’s
President Donald Trump has spoken of his delight at how many people have come onto the streets of Hamburg to welcome him to Germany.
The...
Theresa May won’t let Brit Gas 12.5% price hike ruin her hiking holiday
What could be scarier than millions of ageing Brexit backers being hit with a massive energy bill increase right when May's taking enough heat trying to turn her policy fantasies into reality? And especially when she's previously mentioned an energy price cap but now doesn't really want to talk about it again in case she has to do something.
