Pasty super chain and northern nutrition giant Greggs is to close its doors in the tax haven of Jersey after just 18 months of trading.
Despite opening a number of stores in 2015 across the island, with one shutting in the same year, today the sausage roll kings have announced the final few outlets will close also. A spokesman for Greggs told us;
“We thought everyone loved Greggs but within a few weeks of opening we noticed a complete absence of Kappa shellsuits, fake Burberry caps and pregnant teenagers walking in the door. We totally misjudged the market this far south.”
When asked what steps they had taken to try to salvage their multi-pound investment they added;
“We did our very best to adapt and changed our menu to include poncier items such as Foie Gras pasties, Steak Tartare slices and mini Beef Wellingtons but it just wasn’t enough sadly. There just aren’t enough poor people on Jersey.”
There are now only 35 of 372 local authority areas on the mainland UK without a Greggs with Newcastle leading the figures of numbers of outlets per head of population with Newcastle at 1 store for every 100,000 people at 31 stores.
That’s a lot of pasties.
