Researchers at the world famous Rochdale Community University published groundbreaking research this morning proving that most of the Facebook Liberal elite don’t know their arses from their elbows.

“They don’t know their arses from their elbows.” Professor Hank Harrison told The Herald. “They’re pretty easily offended, in fact they’re offended by almost everything they disagree with. There’s a genuine bat and ball shortage on Facebook. Everytime a “liberal” sees something they disagree with they go home, taking their bats and balls with them. I’m not going to lie, it’s not great for discourse.”

The research looked at almost two articles that were published on a satirical website that suggested Nicola Sturgeon might be a massive liar.

“Well Nicola is pretty socialist, when I say socialist I mean Marxist, and by Marxist I mean Maoist and by Maoist I mean barking mad. But left wing means she’s off limits for satire. You can’t be liberal and criticise anybody other than the Tories, that’s just offensive. Everybody knows only the Tories tell massive porkies to further their own agendas cough.”

Several Scottish “liberals” who read the article in question were hospitalised with hypocrisy after banging on about the £350m for the NHS lie during the EU Referendum whilst conveniently forgetting the SNP’s howling whopper about the “value” of North Sea Oil to the Scottish economy during the Independence Referendum.

“But, but, but that’s different!” Cried Jock McHypocrite. “We want to stay in the EU, so the NHS lie was bad, but we want to leave the UK so the North Sea Oil lie is good. See the difference? See? See?”

It used to be that liberals were generally for expressing and discussing ideas and against people lying in politics. But now, who knows!

Get monthly highlights in your inbox

Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.