Fans of the popular game were left distraught today when they awoke to find that Pokémon has gone.

Clive Humperdunk, 8, stated “I was absolutely mortified! My Android device vibrated and I was elated to learn that there was a Pikatchu hovering over my mother’s head, but when I tried to catch it, it appeared to have a massive coronary heart attack and die.”

Holding back the tears he explained what happened when he went to the Pokémon Go Gym, which in Rochdale is located at the once popular restaurant The Golden Roach, a notorious haunt for Satan worshippers. 

“It was absolute carnage, there were dead pokémon everywhere I was devastated.” Clive was devastated. 

Another local man, Trevor Hastings, a 37 year old civil engineer said “It was well bad, I was gutted”.

Since the news broke the game has now officially gone offline which has had dire effects on humanity as a whole. It is estimated that British teens are gaining on average 8lb of fat per hour now that they’re stuck back in their rooms.

Nintendo, the game’s creators have released the following statement; 

“We are thoroughly disgusted with humanity as a whole. We never in a million years dreamt that it would take virtual animals to get your little shits to venture outdoors but what really pissed us off is all the 30 years olds prancing about. Grow up.”

Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.