TFL confirms London Underground to be extended to Scotland by 2021
London's continued plans to absorb the entirety of Great Britain into the never ending tentacles of its grotesque boundaries were handed a huge boost today. Transport For London excitedly announced news of a deal...
Tommy Robinson arrested outside Big Brother house for live streaming name of 1st evictee
Police were called by the bigwigs at Channel 5 today to have self proclaimed journalist and all round twat Tommy Robinson removed from outside the Big Brother household at around 6pm this evening for...
Dame Judi Dench Shows Off New Tattoo
Dame Judi Dench, 81 years young, gave the world it's first sneak preview of her first ever tattoo at this afternoon's premiere of Aladdin at Rochdale's Gracie Fields Theatre.
'Ive been well into Ryan since...
Basil Brush on the defensive as police release CCTV image of ‘Croydon Cat Killer’
Television celebrity Basil Brush has been forced to reject allegations that he is responsible for the gruesome deaths of over 400 cats across London and the Home Counties.
Earlier today, the Metropolitan Police announced that it was...
Which filthy johnny foreigner should you blame for Covid-19?
All over Britain, McDonald's branches are silent and your gran might die from Covid-19. The PC libtards say this is a result of complex factors interplaying that mean that a novel virus can spread...
Lemming suicide myth rebunked
For many years the myth persisted that Lemmus lemmus, known to you and I as the lemming, would inexplicably hurl itself into the abyss during their annual migration. Or is it a myth? Researchers...
Daily Mail editor defends decision to exclude Gold medallist with alopecia from cover
The editor at the Daily Mail has allegedly defended his decision to only put two of the gold medalists from the four woman, world record breaking Team Pursuit team on the cover of the...
Yeovil MP threatens local Mum with legal action over Facebook page
Fop haired twat and Yeovil MP Marcus "doesn't respond to emails" Fysh has become embroiled in a freedom of speech row on Twitter and Facebook.
Mr Fysh MP, who owns a computer and apparently a...
Thousands of Americans in hospital after attempting microwave selfies…
Trump advisor Kellyanne Conway’s assertion that microwaves can ‘turn into cameras’ has led to thousands of Americans winding up in hospital after putting their heads into microwave ovens in an attempt to take selfies.
Conway...
Ronald McDonald found dead close to his home
The beloved obesity peddler Ronald McDonald was found dead in the street in the early hours of this morning. The cause of death is unknown but locals believe he was beaten to death due...
Man whose bike cost more than first house deposit forgotten what he was trying...
A middle aged man from Bamford is suffering from existential angst after realising his bicycle costs more than the deposit for his first house.
Mrs Brown’s Boys accused of hiding all their funny jokes in offshore accounts
Following recent reports that members of the cast of inexplicably popular BBC "comedy" Mrs Brown's Boys have funds stored in offshore tax havens, The Rochdale Herald has learned of more allegations in relation to...
Jennifer Aniston found dead after Schadenfreude overdose
Jennifer Aniston was found dead this afternoon at her LA mansion after apparently overdosing on Schadenfreude following the news of the impending Brangelina split.
Miss Aniston was apparently found in bed surrounded by glossy magazines,...
You lost get over it, Jacob Rees-Mogg told
Jacob Rees-Mogg has been told to get over losing the no confidence vote in Theresa May last night.
Mr Rees-Mogg heads the European Research Group which is to European research what Andrew Wakefield is to...
MP claims he was researching book on whether breasts make noises like clown horns
Leading MP Pete Who speaks out after being named in the Dirty Dossier.
The Member of Parliament for Goveshire West, Pete Who, has given a public statement after being named in the so called “Dirty...
Turn your house into a Costa and other tips for hosting gatherings of more...
The Government have announced that gatherings of more than 6 people are to be banned. But what do you do if your "Company AGM" is raided by the fuzz? Here's our top tips if...
