Do I still get lunch asks hungry 6 year old
In light of the slim Conservative majority, primary school children up and down the nation awake today uncertain of their future meal prospects.
"Will I...
New York Giraffe constipated not pregnant
On the 11th of February, the Animal Adventure Park in Harpursville, New York began a live feed from the inside of a Giraffe pen.
'April' the...
Robots refusing cyber attack vaccine due to autism fears
The UK's robots have told the Government that they will refuse a vaccine that provides protection from computer viruses, over fears it could cause...
Failed withdrawal expected to lead to painful Labour
Using the withdrawal method requires a high level of self-control. Even then, the withdrawal method isn't especially effective.
On the face of it (which is...
Donald Trump declares Buckingham Palace ‘shit hole’ and offers to pay for repairs.
After a petition to stop the orange Hitler visiting the Queen passed 1.7 million signatures, the tyrannical dictator offered to meet the new President...
Northerner brings Kraft Slices to cheese and wine party in Surrey
A disgraced Northerner has been barred from ever returning to the South, after he humiliated his sister at a bourgeoisie Cheese & Wine evening...
Rochdale Man’s attempt to iron his shirt declared a blazing success
Unbelievably, a Rochdale man has found the iron and ironing-board and pressed his Friday night drinking shirt, unaided. Last Friday, Alan Bloke (37) was...
Nestlé announce Milky Bar Kid reboot
The public were thrilled today to learn that the classic Milky Bar adverts will be making a return to our television screens this autumn...
Tests prove evolution has stopped among UKIP supporters
Groundbreaking research at Rochdale Technical University’s Institute of Genetic Engineering has confirmed that evolution has stopped working, and in some cases is being reversed,...
Sean Spicer to reform Spice Girls with former band-mate Paul Nuttall
Disgraced former White House press spokesman Sean "Ginger" Spicer has announced that he plans to return to his original career as an air headed exponent of...
Southern Rail To Unveil New Passengerless Trains By 2018
Southern Rail have announced the latest innovation to their transport, passengerless trains.
Following the announcement of a move to driverless trains, bosses have decided to...
ISIS claim responsibility for self-service checkouts
So called 'Islamic State' have claimed responsibility for supermarket self service checkouts.
A statement released by ISIS said they came up with the idea after...
Earth isn’t flat, cats would have pushed everything off edge by now if it...
Scientists around the World have finally conceded that the Earth is most probably not a completely flat disc after all.
Research conducted at the University...
Rochdale man kicked off Great British Menu
Local high fat enthusiast and walking cardiac arrest Wayne Bucket who inexplicably made it to the finals of Great British Menu, has been voted...
Gove Demands Westminster Soft Play Area
Michael Gove MP caused elation inside Kate Hoey MP today with his demand for a soft play area at the Palace of Westminster.
Gove, the...
God bothering Stephen Fry to be stoned to death for blasphemy, the pure gobshite
Stephen Fry has been summoned to appear in the Irish Courts to face the charge of breaching the Irish Defamation Act.
It comes after the...
