In order to capitalise on the mood of the country at the moment, the ex-UKIP leader Nigel Farage is to release a new perfume for men and women called Brexíte. 

At the VIP studded launch today such luminaries as Jim Davidson, Paul Dacre and the guy from that commercial with the fruit, were treated to a montage of British culture projected onto a wall of page 3 babes stacked 10 high. Before Nigel Farage led a Union Jack clad Bulldog onstage which was towing a cart laden with the new perfume.

Mr Farage described the scent as “The distilled essence of what makes Britain Great. You get a puff of decent hard working taxpayer, disappointing weather, stale beer, a hint of dole office, fish and chips and casual racism. All combined with mild irritation.”

He continued, “but what really makes this perfume special is that it is 10% distilled essence of Farage. Part of me is inside it, and therefore you. Wearing it will make you irresistable to those of a nationalist persuasion. If we’re going to outbreed the unwanted immigrants we need some proper British babies. This perfume will have your lover whispering ‘trigger my article 50 darling’ before you know it. And unlike our policies, withdrawal isn’t an option.

Animal Rights groups were quick to criticise the makers of the perfume however.  In a statement, the animal rights group PETA said “we condemn in the strongest possible terms the marketing of this product to poor helpless animals.”

High mistress of the underworld, destroyer of souls, collector of small pottery cats. Also one of the country's premier frock enthusiasts.