Rochdale Man’s attempt to iron his shirt declared a blazing success

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Unbelievably, a Rochdale man has found the iron and ironing-board and pressed his Friday night drinking shirt, unaided. Last Friday, Alan Bloke (37) was...
Angry man, steam coming from ears

Man bored of virtue-signalling monthly initiatives launches ‘Punch In The Facepril’

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A Rochdale man who has had enough of your shit with your 'Ocsober'; 'Mowvember' and 'Veganuary' has decided to punch you all in the...

Herald life hacks: Get rich quick with… an inheritance

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Experts say this is the best way to get ahead in life It's January, which means you likely have nothing but mince pie dust in...

Brainless moron shaves 30 seconds off his drive home by doing 70 through the...

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One dickhead has been telling the Herald about how he has found a way to shave 30 seconds off the time it takes him...

Vegans to save UK billion man hours in tedious conversations by wearing hats saying...

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There is widespread jubilation amongst business leaders around the UK after bold plans to save a billion working man hours a week have been announced by the Institute of Vegans.

Gillette admit razors not suitable for sensitive skin

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International razor brand Gillette has admitted that after years of investment, their product is not suitable for the delicate skin of the modern day...

Posh twit in gilet loses both arms to frostbite

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Henry Charles Chomlomoly has been telling us how he's lost both his arms whilst out sledging. Harry told us, "Cripes, got up this morning and...

Trump to produce new range of fragrances

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Donald Trump is to collaborate with daughter Ivanka to produce a new range of perfumes. The first daughter said "This new range reflects...

Liberal man escapes Wetherspoons seconds before Brexit seems appealing.

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A liberal man has spoken today of his horror at being seconds away from becoming a Brexiteer. Near-victim Webastian Sliesel told our reporter Sebastian Wiesel...

Men applaud new Gillette advert that features man carving his initials into girlfriends face...

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A new advert for Gillette razors has been lauded by Piers Morgan as, "way better than all that social justice bollocks". Piers and many other...
Smartphone

I’m definitely not addicted to my smartphone, says person reading this on her smartphone

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A Rochdale woman has told her friends that she's definitely not addicted to her smartphone, whilst reading a news story about people being addicted...

Man considering buying his wife lingerie for Christmas almost certainly shouldn’t.

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Research has found that the average bloke considering buying his wife lingerie this Christmas should probably not. "For a start, most blokes buy scarlet nylon...

Getting drunk and falling over is the real meaning of Christmas, says everyone

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Heavy drinking from breakfast till unconsciousness has won the top spot in a national survey to discover what makes Christmas so special for the...
child

Complete sadist buys 2 year old nephew a keyboard for Christmas

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A man from Rochdale has bought his nephew the gift of music for Christmas. Stan Still told us, "I've played in bands since I was...

“Family friendly” pubs to ban single men at weekends

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Pubs that describe themselves as family friendly say they intend to ban single men from their premises at weekends. Parent Cindy "Everyone's a pedo" Maguire...
Shouting Man

I don’t shave cos I’m a Gillette John, claims Heil Vis clad Neon Nazi

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Shaving that's a little too aggressive, or done with dull blades, can produce irritants which can form a rash right round your Parliament area. ...

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