Gillette admit razors not suitable for sensitive skin
International razor brand Gillette has admitted that after years of investment, their product is not suitable for the delicate skin of the modern day...
NHS to be shut down so sick people can get used to feeling poorly
In a shock move Sunday UK chancellor Philip Hammond, announced that his first budget on Wednesday will outline plans for a complete end to...
The man from Del Monte in critical condition with scurvy
80's TV ad star and renowned juice producer, Derek Monte, was rushed to hospital yesterday and immediately diagnosed with scurvy, a debilitating illness caused...
Theresa May’s Rituals
"Theresa May is signalling distress." Dr. Maca Damia comments, viewing photos of the Prime Minister kneeling by the road just inside Wales.
"Do you see...
Mordor agrees below inflation pay rise for Hobbits
Over a million Hobbits across The Shire including front line ring bearers and turnip farmers are expected to receive 6% pay increases, the Rochdale Herald has been told.
Britain’s Children Rejoice as Broccoli Rationed
Playgrounds and schools all over the country were full of joyous celebration as Britain's children heard that Broccoli has been rationed.
"Fabbolishus!", declared Ryan Whingeing...
NHS Whistleblower Reveals 15,000 Children Prescribed E-cigs
Thousands of smokers, who trusted NHS Smoking Cessation Therapies, were expressing their outrage this morning.
The smouldering tempers result from the revelation that up to...
Jacob Rees-Mogg announces plan for every UK baby to have his DNA by 2040
This is a key policy behind Rees-Mogg's bid for the Conservative party leadership.
According to leaked documents, he is going to take his cue from...
16 Dead In Rochdale Women’s Institute Needle Exchange Hep B Outbreak
The Department of Health have launched an inquiry into an outbreak of Hepatitis B at a Rochdale WI knitting needle swap scheme after untreated...
Mother of three who has finished her Christmas shopping and bought all of the...
A woman was rushed to hospital this week suffering from a rare allergic reaction to being overtly smug after completing all her food and...
Homeopathy shop closed after vegan snake oil found to contain old wives tails
A Rochdale homeopathy shop has been forced to close this week after it was discovered to be selling vegan snake oil containing old wives...
UK moves to a pocket full of posies phase of Coronavirus plan
The Government has this morning announced, it has begun the "pocket full of posies" phase of its Coronavirus plan.
Spokesman Bill Board said, "We use...
Boots fight elitism by pricing poor people out of contraception
High Street favourite Boots has been in hot water lately over the row which arose from the response regarding the morning after pill.
The...
NHS gift vouchers to become nation’s favourite christmas stocking fillers
People up and down the country will be able to show their loved ones how much they care by buying gift vouchers for NHS...
Pray for your health suckers says Mike Pence
The Rev Mike Pence, deputy pastor at the Church of the Poison Mind, Washington, DC, has been quoted as saying "What the American people need...
Two kids remember something – proves some hippy shit totally
With all the scientific rigour of a hippy Merlin with a bone through his nose, the BBC headlines recently included the assertion that the...
