Health

The Government has announced that as many people in the UK have died from Coronavirus as have been found dead in Michael Barrymore's swimming pool. A spokesman said, "This is a milestone for this virus...

Scientists around the globe are reeling this afternoon after a Rochdale man who didn’t take his coat off this morning still felt the benefit of wearing a coat when he went outside for a cigarette this afternoon.

The Government has this morning announced, it has begun the "pocket full of posies" phase of its Coronavirus plan. Spokesman Bill Board said, "We use the same system that was designed in the 17th century...

Happy raspberries, disappointed carrots and furious parsnips may not be the stuff of fairy tales, top food scientists have shown. Researchers were observing the effect of peeling potatoes on levels of starch in fried wedges,...

The Government is warning that Coronavirus could be more deadly than Iain Duncan Smith. The warning comes as the number of cases in Britain doubled to 8. A spokesman said, "When discussing the deadliness of...

Michael "Jim" Delligatti, the man who invented the MacDonalds Big Mac burger (and apparently wasn't aware of what Jim is supposed to be short for) has died leaving people unsatisfied and feeling slightly ripped off.

A + E departments and walk in clinics are struggling to deal with thousands of cases of extreme chafing caused by the hot weather. John Welsby of Middleton was turned away from a walk in clinic...

Google breaks under the strain of millions of Britons preparing their excuses for work on Monday morning. As millions of us check up on the exact symptoms of sunstroke, the search engine has given up...

The institute for the blindingly obvious has today proclaimed that living in Italy and eating nice food may help depression. Professor Frederick Seddon of Rochdale College told us, "The researchers looked at 2 groups of...

NHS officials have confirmed reports that health minister Jeremy Hunt has been hacked. "Since his initial appointment as health minister in 2012 we have been working on the assumption that Hunt was a particularly pernicious form of malware,"...

The Conservative Party has released its newest manifesto pledge to increase A&E floor space in the 40 hospitals they are definitely not building, as well as ensuring 50,000 more coats for sick children to...

A new study from the Rochdale Institute for Sight has found that working from home is the leading cause of sight loss for men. Although identifying the cause the researchers were less exact about what...

Unelected Prime Minister and part time Zelda impersonator has managed to anger both equalities protesters and AIDS awareness groups with her latest gaffe. Mrs May has announced a 300% pay rise for all civil servants...

Welsh UKIPper, Andrew “IQ not very” Haigh doesn't just sell bullshit through his party, it transpires. The national organiser for Wales also sells utter bollocks in physical form. Haigh runs a company called Vitalox that promises...

POTAUS Donald Trump has announced the creation of a Coronavirus Czar charged with coordinating the US's response to Coronavirus. He revealed that Doogie Howser M.D. has been appointed. In a 5 hour rambling announcement POTATUS...

The Prime Minister was taken into protective custody at a secure mental health unit this afternoon, for her own safety. A spokesperson for Meadows and Flowers, a clinic located on a small islet off the...