Angry man, steam coming from ears

Stickupthearseitis

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A new disease, spread apparently by social media, is endangering the nation. Stickupthearseitis affects hundreds of people everyday and symptoms include getting salty over satire...

Mother of three who has finished her Christmas shopping and bought all of the...

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A woman was rushed to hospital this week suffering from a rare allergic reaction to being overtly smug after completing all her food and...
Refugee Doctor

Cholera stricken Yemenis welcome arrival of western homeopaths

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Authorities in Yemen have welcomed the arrival of western homeopaths in its battle against a recent Cholera outbreak. Larisa Ahmad told us, "We welcome the...
Nurses

Stressed nurses sick of sick people

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Shedloads of stressed-out British nurses are leaving the profession because they are fed up with their working conditions and marginally better than national average...

Significantly lower brain function can lead to heading footballs, scientists reveal

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Scientists have revealed that significantly lower brain function can lead to being a footballer. Researchers said they had identified "significantly lower levels of brain function"...
Rochdale paramedics

Husband fails to avoid loaded question

A Rochdale man is currently receiving counselling and treatment for first-degree burns after failing to give the correct answer to a blatantly loaded question...
Theresa May

Theresa May gives civil servants 300% wage rise for World Aides Day

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Unelected Prime Minister and part time Zelda impersonator has managed to anger both equalities protesters and AIDS awareness groups with her latest gaffe. Mrs May...
Hospital

If you lot weren’t so clumsy we wouldn’t need A&E, says Jeremy Hunt

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The Minister for Health, Jeremy Hunt, has stated during an interview with our reporter that the pressure felt by A&E staff up and down...
Doctor

Doctor of Medicine degree to be replaced with Google

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A brainchild policy of Health Secretary, Jeremy Hunt, has been leaked from the Conservative General Election Manifesto. The policy will outline plans to increase doctor numbers...

Homeopathy shop closed after vegan snake oil found to contain old wives tails

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A Rochdale homeopathy shop has been forced to close this week after it was discovered to be selling vegan snake oil containing old wives...
Snake

Snake oil cures are for idiots, say snakes

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A spokesnake for snakes everywhere has said that snake oil cures not one single disease known to man. "I get that being mortal is terrifying...
Doctors

Rochdale A+E under stress from record levels of chafing

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A + E departments and walk in clinics are struggling to deal with thousands of cases of extreme chafing caused by the hot weather. John Welsby...

NHS to be shut down so sick people can get used to feeling poorly 

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In a shock move Sunday UK chancellor Philip Hammond, announced that his first budget on Wednesday will outline plans for a complete end to...
Theresa May

Nutters shouldn’t be stigmatised says Theresa May

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The hidden injustice of mental illness is something that Tories really care about, claims the woman who heads a party that has cut mental...
Chris Witty

Chris Witty signs lucrative sponsorship deal with Andrex toilet paper

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Chris Witty has shocked fans around the world after signing a multi-million pound, multi-decade deal to become the new face of Andrex bog roll. The...
Ebola

‘Deadly viruses don’t kill people, people kill people,’ claims Ebola

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In a bid to improve its reputation as one of the world's most lethal pathogens, the Ebola virus has today sought to shift the...

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