UK obesity epidemic to be tackled by driving the Coca-Cola truck through towns and...

0
Coca Cola have announced that the driver of their self-proclaimed ‘traditional’ Christmas Truck has been instructed to keep moving through the UK towns and...
Supermarket

Fat Fighters launches gold leaf ‘Sin Free’ range

0
Fat Fighters has introduced a new range gold leaf coated products to help gullible fatties spend more money and lose even more weight. The company...
analogue

Government digital service actually still analogue

1
The government’s “digital service”, a branch of the cabinet office and the one that was meant to protect the government’s computer systems against cyber...
anti-vaxxer

My kids weren’t vaccinated and the one who didn’t die is okay says anti-vaxxer

45
Tracy O'Daffy of Middleton is heading a campaign to raise awareness of the dangers of vaccination throughout the Rochdale area. Tracy has been a long...
Theresa May

Theresa May’s Rituals

0
"Theresa May is signalling distress." Dr. Maca Damia comments, viewing photos of the Prime Minister kneeling by the road just inside Wales. "Do you see...

5G blamed for amnesia as thousands of twats forget to be Islamophobic

0
Amidst growing concern from the internet's top pseudo-scientists about the risks posed by mobile technology, yet another coal has been added to the fire. According...
Chris Witty

Chris Witty signs lucrative sponsorship deal with Andrex toilet paper

0
Chris Witty has shocked fans around the world after signing a multi-million pound, multi-decade deal to become the new face of Andrex bog roll. The...

Morrissey spends days in bed

0
Tragic news has reached us here at The Rochdale Herald for all lovers of the morbid mopheaded muso and former front man of The...

Working from home identified as leading cause of sight loss in men

21
A new study from the Rochdale Institute for Sight has found that working from home is the leading cause of sight loss for men. Although...

Smug twat who gave up smoking for New Year has no friends left

0
New depths of smugness have been plumbed by a man in Clitheroe who gave up smoking on the 1st of January. Tomothy Morning-Wood, who had...
Gove and Trump Tourette's

NHS Swamped by Tourette’s outbreak after Gove and Trump footage surfaces

20
Accident and Emergency departments across the country collapsed utterly this morning after thousands of people swamped hospitals with suspected cases of Tourette's Syndrome.

Thousands of Leave voters dead after do not drink labels removed from bottles of...

0
Several hundred thousand leave voters have died from drinking bleach in the last few days after labels, required under EU health and safety rules,...

Singing Covid19 to the tune of Come On Eileen makes Coronavirus less intimidating says...

0
In an effort to stem growing panic, the WHO has released new advice for those concerned about Coronavirus.  Virologist Dr Kevin McRowland released the following...

Hunt solves NHS waiting list crisis with introduction of geological clock

0
Health Secretary Jeremy Hunt has solved the problem of NHS waiting times by making hospitals use the geological clock.  After coming under increasing pressure from...

NHS declares tap water is much more cost effective than homeopathy

0
The NHS has declared that it's probably a better use of money to invest in tap water than provide homeopathy provision. NHS spokesperson Dr Gary...
Theresa May

Theresa May gives civil servants 300% wage rise for World Aides Day

0
Unelected Prime Minister and part time Zelda impersonator has managed to anger both equalities protesters and AIDS awareness groups with her latest gaffe. Mrs May...

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