People with two legs run a greater risk of suffering injuries while jogging or running, a new report published Friday by the NHS shows.
According to the report people with two legs are almost 90% more likely to suffer an injury whilst running than those with fewer than two legs and close to 99% than those with fewer than one leg.
Much of the study focused on the risks of knee injuries, with runners boasting a full set of two knees at least 100% more likely to suffer a knee injury than anyone who has undergone a single above the knee amputation and at least 200% more likely than double amputees.
“This may come as a surprise to many, but will be welcome news for unidexters eroneously under the impression that being deficient in the leg department to the tune of one, excludes them from both jogging as a hobby and competitive running,” said NHS spokesman Oliver Spiggot.
“The statistics don’t lie, they enjoy a comparative freedom from knee injury certain to leave their bipedal colleagues hopping mad,” he explained.
And for those entirely deficient in the leg department the report contains even better news, which could conceivably leave them jumping for joy.
“Aside from the obvious reduced risk of attack by ankle biters, it is also and contrary to popular wisdom it is perfectly safe for those without a leg to stand on to take up jogging, as their chance of sustaining leg injuries are infinitesimally small ” said Spiggot, explaining that unfortunately the same could not always be said for their companions.
“Anyone planning to go horizontal jogging with Oscar Pistorius would be well advised not to get up in the night for a tinkle. Or if neither holding it in nor wetting the bed is an option, be prepared to get your shot in first,” he cautioned.