Hangmans Noose

Tories Include Return of Death Penalty In Election Manifesto

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The Conservative Party has surprised many by including a return of the death penalty in their election manifesto. Explaining the eye catching manifesto promise, Jacob...
Santa

Scandinavian ‘Too Drunk To Stand’ Following Drunk-Sleighing Arrest

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Rochdale magistrates heard how a visitor from Lapland, Mr Nicholas Saint (1,747) created havoc in Rochdale with his erratic control over his team of excitable reindeer pulling a bright red sleigh.

Attention seeker Brian Harvey arrested after sending himself abusive Tweets

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Former East 17 Band member and serial own foot shooter Brian Harvey is said to be in trouble with the police over alleged malicious...
Terroist

ISIS Claim Responsibility for Chimney Destruction in Kent

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So called ISIS or Islamic State today sensationally claimed responsibility for the destruction of the the Grain Power Station Chimney in Kent. In a Facebook...

Rochdale Cowboy killed in cow heel fight while raiding vape store.

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The notorious Rochdale Cowboy reached the end of the line yesterday when he and the rest of his 'Hole in the road' gang were...
Rochdale paramedics

Daily Mail Editor sectioned after being confused by photograph of white terrorist

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The Editor of The Daily Mail was carried out of Northcliffe House in a straitjacket this morning after a photograph of a white man...
Ambulance Katie Hopkins

Katie Hopkins hospitalised after choking on apology to Muslim

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Katie Hopkins was driven slowly to hospital yesterday after choking on the word "sorry" while typing a court ordered apology to the Mahmoud family.

Men warned not to date clever & pretty girls who might get “a bit...

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A Judge has warned men that they only have themselves to blame if they date very clever, very pretty girls who are "a bit...

Arsehole starts fight and loses, man he started fight with arrested

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A dickhead has died in a karmic avalanche after breaking into the home of a 78 year old.

No arrests made as gang of white people chase group of black men through...

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Reports are coming in of a civil disturbance in London which has seen a mob of almost 40,000 white people chase a small group...
The Old Bailey

Dramatic confession as video found guilty of radio star murder

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A 38 year old killing was finally resolved at the Old Bailey yesterday as Video Charles Robinson, commonly known simply as 'Video' was found...
Angry Man Shouting

Dyslexic holocaust denier accused of being anti-semantic

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"It's them Joos again!" exclaimed Noel Iteracy. "I hate Joos, except Orange Juice, they was a good band, but Big Country was huge twats...
Ross and Rachel

Beer thieving ‘Ross’ looklike sentenced to watch every single episode of ‘Friends’.

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A shoplifting, David Schwimmer look-a-like has been sentenced to watch every single episode of 'Friends' in one sitting, including 'The One Where They Were...

Government takes time off from covering up child abuse to tell people what kind...

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The UK Government has taken time off from failing the victims of institutional child abuse and covering the tracks of high profile paedophiles to tell people what kind of pornography they're allowed to watch.

Daily Mail editor accused of Crocodile Tears following Polish migrant murder

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The editor of poisonous bog roll manufacturer, The Daily Mail, was accused of shedding crocodile tears by The Rochdale Herald after a Polish man...

Three in critical condition after tragic scone miss-pronunciation attack

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Police have closed access to Battenburg street in Middleton today as the investigation into an altercation at the Middleton tea rooms has left three...

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