Boy with toy machine gun isolated on a white background

That’s how you know you’ve fucked up No.72. Mass Shootings a Daily Occurence

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America, land of the brave and home of the free as well as Donald Trump & Charles Manson, hit an important milestone this week....

Nelson Mandela House in Peckham Evacuated After 20,000 Litres of Luminous Paint Found in...

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Hundreds of residents of Nelson Mandela House in Peckham have been evacuated after 20,000 Litres of highly flammable, luminous yellow paint was found stockpiled...

‘Fake Sheikh’ Gets 15 Months For Making Obscene Phone Calls

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Undercover Herald reporter Bazzer McNood has been sentenced to 15 months (suspended) plus a 20 hour Community Service Order for making lewd and obscene nuisance phone...

Rochdale Murderer Caught

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There was shock and disbelief amongst Rochdale motorists yesterday as the police went out and caught a murderer, instead of stopping poor innocent speed...

Interflora agent admits to killing Lady Di in deathbed confession shock

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Alleged deathbed confession implicates both floral delivery service and royal family in assassination plot In a shock announcement that has been doing the rounds on...

Trump’s Alt-Assassination. The Facts.

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Reports that Donald Trump had been assassinated by a mentally disturbed right-wing white Southerner were denied by the White House yesterday. The world press was...
Ross and Rachel

Beer thieving ‘Ross’ looklike sentenced to watch every single episode of ‘Friends’.

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A shoplifting, David Schwimmer look-a-like has been sentenced to watch every single episode of 'Friends' in one sitting, including 'The One Where They Were...
Policing

Cuts in police lead to cuts in Londoners

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Leaked Home Office document reveals correlation between law enforcement and criminality. A fall in police numbers is likely to have contributed to a rise in...

Archbishop Welby kicks shit out of Nigel Farage following Twitter spat

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Archbishop Welby is currently helping police with their enquiries in Westminster after allegedly kerb stomping Nigel Farage.

US police to swear allegiance directly to Trump and be called the Orange Shirts

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In a bold new democracy-busting move, Emperor Trump has decreed the police will now swear an oath of allegiance directly to the person of...

Knives sharper than the tools carrying them

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Causes of knife crime confirmed to be poor choices of dead victims As knife crime continues to plague the streets of the capital, a bleeding...

Reports of widespread rioting across UK takes government by surprise

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Tonight, the U.K. Is in disarray. The major cities of London, Manchester, Liverpool, Leeds and Birmingham are in lockdown with reports of outbreaks of...
Paddington Bear

Outrage as Paddington Bear deported back to Peru

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Much loved star of children's literature, TV and films, Paddington Bear, has been arrested and deported to Peru, as part of a round up of...

Assange ready to be extradited from his own arse

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Julian Assange has confirmed that he is willing to be extradited from his own arse following Barack Obama’s decision to commute the sentence of US Army...
Santa

Scandinavian ‘Too Drunk To Stand’ Following Drunk-Sleighing Arrest

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Rochdale magistrates heard how a visitor from Lapland, Mr Nicholas Saint (1,747) created havoc in Rochdale with his erratic control over his team of excitable reindeer pulling a bright red sleigh.

Duke of Edinburgh embroiled in food poisoning compensation scam

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The Duke of Edinburgh is reported to have become embroiled in a food poisoning compensation scam scandal today just hours after being discharged from...

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