Man who forgot to take smartphone to loo with him makes full recovery

A bloke who forgot to take his iPhone to the toilet with him this morning has made a “complete” recovery following “breakthrough” treatment with...
Checkout

Environment saved and global warming halted as Rochdale man takes own carrier bag to...

Environmentalists have conceded that the environment has been saved and the ice caps are no longer melting after a Rochdale man remembered to take...
Gay Pride

‘Just a phase’ movement finally represented at London Gay Pride

In another great victory for liberal tolerance, the much maligned "just a phase" movement will be properly recognised at tomorrow's London Pride. In between...
Chemistry

Everyone on Facebook expert in analytical chemistry all of a sudden

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Everyone on Facebook is now an expert in analytical chemistry it has been revealed. The news comes after scientists at Porton Down revealed that they...
White Van

White van man smashes World Land Speed Record

A plumber’s apprentice from Birtle has utterly smashed the world land speed record on the M66 in a white Peugeot van. The news that Jamie...
Votey McVoteface

Esther McVey resigns to spend more time with other people’s families

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Esther McVey, a former television presenter and now a falling star in Westminster, relishes her career - but admits to no regrets in her...

Rupert Murdoch still on course to become Britain’s longest-serving Prime Minister

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With only two days of campaigning left before the general election, polling suggests that Rupert Murdoch is still on course to become Britain’s longest-serving...

BBC bans presenters saying “Happy Holidays” because it offends Christians

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The BBC has banned presenters from using the term, "Happy Holidays" as it offends Christians. Rochdale resident Stan Still told us, "This is PC rubbish...

David Blunkett confirms he’s still blind following driving test

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The Rochdale Herald can exclusively confirm that David Blunkett is still blind. Mr Blunkett confirmed the findings of his most recent eye sight test...
Tony Blair

We must reverse historic mistake, says irreversible historic mistake

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Everyone in the world looked at each other and asked "what the hell" yesterday after the temerity of a former political leader's comments on...
Audi

Sixty grand on four wheel drive for one off drive to work in snow...

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A man has confirmed that his choice of Audi Quattro was justified by the recent inclement weather. Chris Lupton spent most of the morning in...
Tommy Robinson

Tommy Robinson disappointed Korean Barbeque wasn’t a book burning

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Tommy Robinson has been explaining his disappointment at attending what he thought would be aa Koran burning event that turned out to be a...
Bicycles

London to trial riderless bikes in 2018

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The announcement made at an event in central London. Mayor Sadiq Khan came onto stage to the strains of Queen's Bicycle Race to unveil...

Labour to part-nationalise BT as a quick way of getting their broadband fixed

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Labour to part-nationalise BT as a quick way of getting their broadband fixed. After five engineer visits, four no-shows and five hours calling BT, Labour...

Simon Danczuk delighted to not be the sleaziest MP in a photo

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Disgraced pornography enthusiast, first class passenger, casual sext pest and Rochdale MP Simon 'Spanker' Danczuk is said to be "absolutely buzzing" that he's not...

Dirty Danczuk disappoints again

Weary Rochdale let out yet another groan of despair after yet more revelations of the serial text pest and pornography enthusiast Simon Danczuk's sex...

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