National News

Britain's most patriotic patriots have led calls for everyone in the country to be forced to inject themselves with poppies. The push for proper respect for our troops has secured backing from across the...

There was a relief for a family on the wrong side of the Pennines this afternoon, as a man with a debilitating terminal illness was finally given the right to die after a court...

A monster fatberg the size of two double decker buses has been found inside the head of rotund foreign secretary Boris Johnson, Trev Panning, head of the GLC's emergency brain surgery unit announced Tuesday. "It's...

MP Sarah Champion, permed badger and former/current shadow Minister of Preventing Abuse and Changing One's Mind, unresigned today in what the Guardian and Owen Costello Smith are calling"definite proof that nobody trusts or likes...

Men across the globe will celebrate International Men's Day today by being completely oblivious to the fact that it's International Men's Day. The annual event, which seeks to promote positive role models, gender equality and...

Home Secretary Amber Rudd has admitted that she did actually get the memo about specific migrant removal targets, but was unable to read it because she's completely illiterate. The Guardian reported a leaked memo dated...

Groundbreaking research at Rochdale Technical University's Institute of Genetic Engineering has confirmed that evolution has stopped working, and in some cases is being reversed, among the membership of right-wing groups. Doctor Jean Splicer, 42, has...

A poor deluded fool from Rochdale has convinced himself that he and his long term partner are getting a puppy instead of a baby. Steve Dickinson from Rochdale is said to be extremely excited at...

Sex education has been given the thumbs down by Burnley gran Ellie-Mae-Leigh Horne. 19 year old Ellie-Mae-Leigh, whose eldest daughter Chelsea-Leigh has just given birth herself, was outraged. "It just shouldn't happen, innit," she said,...

Daily Express readers up and down the country have welcomed the news of Duchess of Sussex's pregnancy by crossing all of their fingers and hoping to God that the baby is a ginger. The announcement...

Meghan Markle revealed that she's perfected the art of waving to thousands of people. The Duchess of Sussex was appearing at the Trooping of the colour to mark the Queen's birthday. The Rochdale Herald's waving expert,...

Amber Rudd was today left with egg on her face after a leaked email detailing a new strategy to combat immigration levels and increase what the government has labelled the 'assisted return' of migrants...

Anti-bullying & equality campaigners have praised plans by children's show Thomas the Tank Engine to highlight modern issues in the latest series of the classic show. Producers confirmed that the show's famous Railway Controller Sir...

People who work from home are all looking oddly suntanned for people who work at their desks for eight hours a day, leading experts have confirmed. Following extensive research by experts at the Institute of...

The Duke of Edinburgh is reported to have become embroiled in a food poisoning compensation scam scandal today just hours after being discharged from King Edward VIIII's hospital in Battersea. The Duke is rumoured to...

A Rochdale man was being congratulated today after not completely shitting his pants when a police car followed him round a corner on Saturday morning. Arthur Sixpence of Bury Road, Rochdale, said “I was on...