Happy Children

Parents of school age children feeling no sympathy for teachers as holidays end

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Scientists have confirmed that parents of school age children across the United Kingdom feel zero sympathy for teachers as summer holidays crash to an...
Fried Chicken

Conservatives offer new members discount card at Kentucky Fried Pheasant

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Conservative Party Central Office have announced this week that new members will be recieve a variety of benefits including discounts at Michael Gove's new...
Car with snow on it

Everybody wondering where the one car with snow on it came from

Drivers all over the UK are wondering where the hell that one car with snow on it has come from. "Where on Earth has that...

Rochdale PR firms enters FTSE 250 after winning Simon Danczuk crisis management contract

There was jubilation in Rochdale this afternoon as Clifford Savile Associates PLC announced their entry into the FTSE 250 for the first time. The news...
Daily Mail Readers

Mail Online reassures readers faulty fridge wasn’t bought by a white person

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The Mail-online has sought to reassure readers that it was a slack-jawed, lazy, drunken black man who bought the fridge that started the Grenfell...

53 year old man killed in gigantic pants fire

A 53 year-old man killed in a gigantic pants fire at his home in Upper Wally in Oxfordshire has been described by former colleagues...
Hangmans Noose

Tories Include Return of Death Penalty In Election Manifesto

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The Conservative Party has surprised many by including a return of the death penalty in their election manifesto. Explaining the eye catching manifesto promise, Jacob...
Viagra

WTO confirms nations can trade with U.K. on a ‘pity fuck’ basis.

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The WTO has confirmed that in the case of a no deal Brexit, member nations will be free to trade with the U.K. as...
Smiling woman

Woman who said she’s fine really is fine

In a world first a woman from Rochdale who told her husband that she was “fine” has turned out to really be “fine”. Genuinely...

Chaos at Speakers’ Corner after steaming pile of dog excrement is mistaken for Tommy...

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There were scenes of chaos at Speakers' Corner earlier today after a steaming pile of dog shit was apparently mistaken for EDL-founder Tommy Robinson.  It is understood that the moldering heap of crap, which...
NewsThump

Rochdale IT Worker Deletes Human Rights Act

Albert Fudge, a Rochdale based web designer employed by the Conservative Party- has accidentally deleted the European Human Rights Act. The tech boffin was asked...
Michael Gove

Gove calls for post-Brexit legalisation of cannibalism

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Former Tory minister and leading Brexit campaigner Michael Gove has called on the government to slash EU regulations on cannibalism which he claims have...
Rees Mogg

Man with six kids reckons he knows more about withdrawal method than some woman

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The latest Etonian voice of the people, Jacob Rees-Mogg, is convinced that his Catholicism gives him the the edge on some woman Jacob Rees-Mogg, who...

Simon Danczuk delighted to not be the sleaziest MP in a photo

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Disgraced pornography enthusiast, first class passenger, casual sext pest and Rochdale MP Simon 'Spanker' Danczuk is said to be "absolutely buzzing" that he's not...

Secret owners of 1 million tax dodging companies registered in British Virgin Islands furious...

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The secret owners of an estimated one million companies registered in the British Virgin Islands Sunday registered their displeasure at the UK government's slow...
No Entry Sign

We’re showing some restraint, how about the rest of you try it

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Like most of the country, the Herald woke up this morning to the news of a catastrophic tower block fire in West London. This...

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