National News

Media tycoon and ancient demonic scrotum, Rupert Murdoch has broken viral photo editor FaceApp, attempting to see what his face would look like in 40 years. Developers say the app was "not designed to undertake...

As the temperature hits 25C in Leeds sweaty rioters armed with Soleros and Lyon's Maid Choc Ices are rioting in Leeds Centre and are currently barricaded in Argos. It is believed the civil unrest started...

Along with the very fine and folk at NewsThump and The Southend News Network we have put together what we think could be one of the biggest attempts at a Secret Santa ever. Around the...

The political right, bigots, misogynists, anti-feminists and liars across the country united yesterday, to fully embrace political correctness, after the opposition leader was accused of calling a stupid woman a "stupid woman". It is unclear...

Nicky Morgan yesterday made a conciliatory reference to fellow Tory leadership no-hoper Michael Gove's penchant for Charlie as a naive young 31 year old journalist. "He has expressed regret and he is entirely right that...

Former popular television presenter to repaint Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth following release from prison. Rolf Harris, 87, is rumoured to be looking at the possibility of rebooting his television career after being released last May...

Bearded Trotskyite do-gooder, Jeremy Corbyn has taken a break from sending care packages full of homemade jam to terrorists, to nationalise absolutely everything. Clueless commie Corbyn, in a bid to secure the votes of millions...

Boris Johnson has said that Britain shouldn't be ashamed about the BBC's decision to spend £250m on non-existent PPE for the Last Night of the Proms. Mr Johnson said, "We should be proud that the...

Brussels has warned that Britain will no longer be allowed to use the decimal system following Brexit and will be forced to go back to pounds, shillings and pence and the imperial measurement system. It...

Bus drivers distraught they can't lose their shit when given a fiver, due to increased ticket prices. Up and down the country local bus drivers are in a state of disbelief as they can no...

Panic has hit the streets of Rochdale today as a unidentified glowing hot yellow glowing orb has appeared in the sky. Terrified Rochdale residents yesterday reported sightings of a glowing ball giving off immense heat...

Jacob Rees-Mogg has attempted to counter accusations that he has no Brexit plan by unveiling one so fancifully insane a Texan jury wouldn't recommend the death penalty. One analyst said, "Jacob unveiled his plan to...

Transport secretary Grant Shapps is so convinced that going back to work in offices is safe, that he has hired a fleet of ferries to transport people into city centres. The UK Transport Secretary has...

Bra fitters Rigby & Peller have lost their Royal warrant after Buckingham Palace cancelled its contract with the company after they revealed intimate details of the Queen's bra size. The makers of the Royal over-the-shoulder-boulder-holder...

Islamic poppies, which would be green, with a white star and crescent, are being discussed by the Royal British Legion. This has predictably stirred up a great deal of debate. The Herald listened to a...

Following the overwhelming success of the Department of Education's strategy of grading academic exam results based on teachers' predicted grades and previous attainment levels, the government has announced a plan to determine General Election...