Tommy Robinson

Tommy Robinson hired to advise UKIP members on starting grooming gangs.

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UKIP members are cock-a-hoop at the news that leader Gerald Batman has engaged the services of Tommy Robinson to advise on grooming gangs. "This is...

Sturgeon gives birth to kittens as court rules Scottish Parliament won’t be consulted on...

Nicola Sturgeon is recovering after unexpectedly going into labour and giving birth to a litter of kittens at Holyrood this afternoon.
Cross Eyed Man

The light shines out of my arse, says man who got toothpaste and Anusol...

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Rochdale resident Des Spondent, 46, was getting ready for work one dark morning when the mix-up occurred. The sores in his mouth miraculously healed, and...

Prince Philip is ‘perfectly fine’ Palace assures public

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HRH Prince Philip was straight back to work today insulting foreigners just three days after being released from hospital.  Palace officials were quick to point...
Theresa May

Theresa May – the facts

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Theresa May - the facts She is planning to get Hello magazine to do an exclusive of her luxury life in No 10 2. She...

Mob smashing ambulance up fine because it’s the will of the people, confirm Brexiteers

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Members of a mob that smashed up an ambulance as part of the post match celebrations yesterday were within their democratic rights according to...

Country that burns effigies of a Catholic annually upset by statue damage

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A country that in the year of our Lord 2020 still thinks burning Catholics is a family friendly November evening out, is upset by...
Dartboard

UKIP contains more pricks than Eric Bristow’s dartboard

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The political establishment was rocked today when new research conclusively proved that the United Kingdom Independence Party (UKIP) contains more pricks than world famous darts...
Daily Mail Readers

Daily Mail readers hospitalised after inhaling EU migrant gas at Birling Gap

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Over one hundred patriotic Daily Mail readers were hospitalised yesterday after inhaling toxic EU migrant gas while innocently sea siding at Birling Gap. The weather...

Santa Claus Denied Visa to Enter UK

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The Herald has discovered that father Christmas has been denied a visa to enter the UK on Christmas Eve, amid fears he may decide...

Northern woman puts heating on

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A woman from the North of England has shocked the country by putting the heating on in October. Denise Dufite, originally from the northern town...

Dominic Cummings appears on TV to tell plebs to f*** off in person

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Dominic Cummings has appeared on the BBC to tell everyone to f*** off and leave him alone. Speaking to Secretary of the Boris Booster Club,...
Mel Brooks

Mel Brooks confirms rework of The Producers starring Donald Trump about to climax

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Veteran comic Mel Brooks, 91, has confirmed that his ambitious live action show, The President, will end shortly with a musical impeachment. Speaking at...

Husband remembers to do thing

There were ecstatic scenes in Rochdale this afternoon after a Middleton resident remembered to do the thing he'd been asked to do earlier in...

Boris not offensive, simply misunderstood – insists Boris

Posh fop-headed press gob and Foreign Secretary Boris Johnson has defended the countless insults and faux pas he has made by claiming that each...
William and Kate

Prince William fingers Kate in back of hatchback in Rochdale

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A sticker showing Prince William and The Duchess of Cambridge along with a depiction of two fingers raised in a V sign has caused...

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