National News

Yesterday's fire at the Burnley School for the Arts has caused £500 worth of damage. Early indications are that the bus stop is irreparably damaged. Burnley Art School was founded in 1968 as part of...

The chaps at Go Ogle Apps were quick to capitalise on Parliament's decision not to outlaw taking an unwanted picture up a skirt. The, ironically titled, Private Member's Bill proposed making up-skirting a criminal offence....

Jacob Rees-Mogg has astounded many people by stating that the Universal Credit fiasco is the cheapest way the Government has come up with to kill off the poor and unemployed. Government spokesman, Cliff Edge said,...

  Fifa officials last night refused to comment on rumours that they all turned down Vladimir Putin's offer of an all-expenses paid trip to Zizzi's in Moscow.  However, The Rochdale Herald's brown envelope full of money...

Praying for the survivors and victims of the Grenfell Tower fire is definitely the least you can do experts have claimed. Dr Frederick Seddon of Rochdale College said, "We've analysed a range of things...

Brexiteers have been quick to point out that 4,600 people being made redundant at Rolls Royce was on a different bus to the one that they saw. Cliff Edge said, "You can't say that company...

Pontypandy fireman, Fireman Sam has again denied having ever met Norman Price on more than 3 occasions. The denial comes amidst growing calls for the Welsh Police Service to investigate corruption in the town. Allegations...

The Sun "Newspaper" has chosen to symbolise Brexit using a picture of the Alton Towers roller coaster, The Smiler. One reader commented, "It's strange that they've chosen that really. It's like they're telling us that...

The Daily Express as revealed a new corporate logo today that it says is more in keeping with how it and its readers view its brand. The Express hired a Moscow based marketing firm...

Britain has said that it's perfectly equipped to make a success of Brexit even though shops that sell things for a pound are closing. Business analyst, Twyford Shrub said, "The fall in the pound and...

In a stunning announcement today it was revealed, that Boris Johnson's hair impregnated Donald Trump's hair a few months ago. Boris Johnson revealed this morning that his hair mated, with the President of the United...

Excitement in the archaeological world this weekend turned to bitter disappointment after archaeologists discovered the ruins of a primitive civilisation on the Yorkshire cost after yesterday's earthquake. Whilst scanning for random bits of crap...

A man who spent yesterday in London singing "Free Tommy Robinson" has said he thought he was entering a competition to meet him. Dave Wild told us, "I wasn't aware it was a protest. My...

Earthquake rescue teams from around the globe were told to stand down today after they descended en masse on Grimsby in Lincolnshire following reports of a massive humanitarian disaster. Search and Rescue teams from the...

Meghan Markle revealed that she's perfected the art of waving to thousands of people. The Duchess of Sussex was appearing at the Trooping of the colour to mark the Queen's birthday. The Rochdale Herald's waving expert,...

The new runway at Heathrow airport will be completed just in time for leading Brexiteer's to use it to leave the country for villa's in France and Germany leading Brexiteer's have revealed.  One official said,...